This past weekend Farmer and I were invited to a cookout with some of our friends. We thought it was a big get together of several couples and so we were really looking forward to seeing everyone. When you farm you don’t see a lot of your friends until the busy seasons end, because everyone is working late on the weekends. So we headed to J & H’s house on Saturday night with a back seat full of food and beer. When we pulled in we only saw one other truck and so we figured we were early and got out and walked in. It had been about 2 or 3 months since we had gotten together for dinner with J & H. J is my husband’s best friend since infancy. J was in our wedding and they actually lived right down the road from us for several years up until about 2 years ago. Well J’s wife and I have never really been close. We don’t hang out or call each other. She is older then I am and they have children now and we just run in different circles. So she and I have never been close we just talk when our husbands get together or where all at parties together. I don’t have a problem with H she is just different then I am so for the past 7 years we have never gotten past the usual conversations about the locals and her kids. Well in May J & H had their 2nd child a little boy who is beautiful. And they have a 4 yr old little girl also. So when we came in J & H had only asked one other couple to come for the cookout. I immediately felt out of place because Farmer sort of knew them I had never met them before. And they had brought their little girl too who was J & H’s daughter’s age. So everyone had someone to talk to. And I was kind of out of the loop on both of the adult’s conversations. So I just drank my drink and prayed it would rain so we could go home… I wasn’t going to be that lucky. So the boys followed J around the house and looked at the new addition they were adding on to their house. H took the girls and I inside and got the food ready. It was then that I learned that this other woman who had come, whom I’d never met before had just suffered a miscarriage the week before. And I realized that this must have been the reason H had sent her little one to her parents for the evening. I guess knowing it might be hard for D to be around a little baby. I was a little disappointed because I was in need of a baby fix in the worst way. But I didn’t say anything about him not being there. While I listened to D and H talk about the miscarriage I felt horrible about being the stranger just listening to her and H talk about it. Then the boys were ready to eat and so we all headed out and roasted hot dogs and got set down to eat on the porch with all of us talking with the little girls playing in the garage and there was a lull in the conversation and all of a sudden out of nowhere it happened… I was broad sided Farmer & I both were!!!! Evil people!!!!
H set down her hot dog looked right at Farmer and I both and says: Are you 2 not trying to get pregnant? Or have you seen someone (DOCTOR) or what?…
Excuse me? What the hell? Why are you bringing this up in front of 2 perfect strangers? And really you don’t know me well enough for me to tell you any of that either!!!! Well then of course I about chocked on my hot dog and Farmer was turning purple from embarrassment and then D’s dear sweet husband turns to Farmer and says well Farmer you just need to bury it a little deeper… HA-HA HA… WTH? I was still trying to chew and swallow that damn piece of hot dog that I just couldn't’t seem to get down. Farmer kind of made a sad attempt at a chuckle and I was still stunned and then the girls went on about different doctors too see. And how I should try a ovulation predictor kit because that works for EVERYONE!!!! But I didn't want to stand up in front of these strangers and explain that in order for a ovulation predictor kit to work you have to be ovulating... Jeez!!!! Then the conversation turned to what could possibly be wrong with Mrs. Farmer and Mr. Farmer? Why were they not producing like the little rabbits their friends have all suddenly turned in to... I was praying for rain, or an earthquake, tornado, tidal wave, Any thing for the questions to stop. I have never in all my life felt so exposed and naked as I did when total strangers were discussing Our fertility!!! Why is this such a hot topic for people? Why must this become dinner conversation at parties?
I now wonder myself if I have ever been the pushy one in a conversation like this. And I pray that they have forgiven me if I ever was. It is frightening to think that people feel the need to know private details of other peoples lives. What is the deal?
Sorry this was soo long I just wanted everyone to get a feel for what had lead up to the actual crap that pissed me off.
3 comments:
Hi there! I linked to you from the Wrigth five. I felt compelled to write to you and tell you that you should have strongly stated to them it truly is none of their business and got up and left. I do not understand people. I too have felt the wrath of rude people. I am so sorry that you have had to face such a horable path. My faithfull phrase was always "This is God's plan not mine so when he is ready then so are we." I always felt like this was the nice way to say **** off it is none of your business. My little dark side tends to flip some times {grin}. Good Luck and in my daily prayers for those that suffer from infertility your name will be in my little data bank. Good Luck to you!
Bless your hearts! I can't believe the nerve of some people. Stacey's suggestion is a great idea for nosy losers that need to find a hobby.
Honestly, this is what I would start telling people: 2 options
1. Tell them that you found out that you can't have children. Then, if you ever do get pregnant, tell them it's a g-d miracle!
2. My best friend (who's also infertile and the only one who knows about my issues as well) - well, her husband (who is also frustrated with the rude questions)told her to tell people that she just likes it in the a**. ROTFLMAO when I heard that one. Still chuckling now.
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