Leo

Yes my horoscope tells me I'm a Leo. I'm not really into all that nonsense but on occasion I will read it if some one has a copy of the paper laying on their desk. Today one of the guys I work with had an article he wanted me to read in our local paper. So I read it and my eyes glanced over to the Horoscope column and quickly found this:

LEO (July 23- Aug 22) - Some major impediments in an arrangement you're trying to get to work will finally break away and let you grow crops in what was a field of weeds.

Ummmm Well that was interesting! I do tend to think of my body as a barren field... So what would the major impediment be? Maybe the fact that I did not ovulate with my miracle herbs! Or maybe I will get another period on them in the next week or so and then in the new cycle I will ovulate!!!!... That is a lot to think about. I just thought I would share this with you all. Since I thought it was so funny that it was farming related and kinda sorta made me think. I'm thinking I need you all to give me your insights on what this horoscope means. I don't know how to decipher them. And I always like to add: "In Bed" even though you are only supposed to do that on fortune cookies!! :)

Oh Holy cow!!! For shits and Giggles I just read Mr. Farmers!! Hold on to your hats!!!

Pisces (Feb 20- March 20) - If you have something interesting you've been working on, and you are ready to launch, throw the switch now. You could be extremely lucky today regarding new endeavors.

WOW! Now if that's not creepy I don't know what is! I think just to be on the safe side I might have to jump Mr. Farmer tonight... Hey my Horoscope said so right?

Fertility update: I pulled out the dreaded, evil and despicable CBEFM. Back when I began spotting about 31 days ago and i peed on sticks faithfully every morning for 20 days. Now it's telling me it's low again I never got a peak fert symbol. But I feel really good taking this stuff I don't know what it's doing. I had some pretty weird cramping right around the time I "should" have been ovulating. So maybe my body is trying to do this. I think I will go one more round on the "Au natural stuff" and then maybe in about 2 months time we will be in a better position to go back to the RE and try again. Mama Farmer actually feels somewhat better but she is carrying a whole lot of equipment around with her. They just added a vacuum to the wound on her stomach to assist in the healing. Her body just is not wanting to heal and I know the chemo probably is mostly to blame for that. But hopefully by the end of June she will have finished all the Chemo treatments. She had to do 13 total and we will be coming up on the 11th this next week. So by July Mr. Farmer will have harvested the wheat got the late beans planted and we will slow down a little. And I will be on may way to Dr. B.... Maybe

Thank You Mrs. Ashley!!

This post is kind of a Thank you note and a PSA all wrapped up in one!

The other day I was writing about maybe looking into a fertility treatment that was a little less invasive then the injectables, with constant monitoring. Where my hubby and I, are at right now in our lives with his mama being sick and having to take care of 2 farms and 2 households full time. It's just to hectic to even begin to think about adding a new cycle into the mix right now. Especially since we are full swing in Planting season. So I thought about seeing another doctor and see what he had to say. But I have to say I chickened out!! I'm just not ready to go into all that again. I think I'm just remembering the hour drive to the dr every morning being hopeful and then the hour back to work crying. Then my whole day being jacked up cause I was chock full of hormones and a ball of nerves waiting to hear back about the results. I guess I'm just too freaking sensitive!!! So I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. But I didn't want to keep wasting time!!

But then Mrs. Ashley over at Infertile Myrtle http://ifashley.blogspot.com/ stopped in and told me about FertilAid and how it helped her ovulate!!! I secretly don't think I have ever ovulated! So I was intrigued! I went to the website: http://www.fairhavenhealth.com/ and there are literally tons of reviews from woman who have PCOS or who were regular but not ovulating. And who after having used it and it they began to ovulate and even become regular! I'm not so much buying it to get pregnant all though that would be awesome!! I would just love to be able to start cycling like a "NORMAL" woman! I have NEVER EVER been regular. I would really like to be able to work with my body to get it on some kind of routine. Right after I read the reviews I thought what the hell! it's not expensive and if I could get my body to give me a period just once with out prometruim it would pay for it self in my opinion! So I ordered a bottle of the supplement and bag of the FertiliTea and a Fertility Candle... Yes Total Cheese I know!! But I'm a sucker for candles and I was on a mission!! Oh and they had free shipping!! So I stocked up!! I was on the site for a long time just reading everything I could.They make formulas for guys and gals! Although we won't be needing the guy formula. It actually just sounds like a SUPER DUPER Vitamin! Here are the facts:

FertiliTea Organic and Wildcrafted Herbal Ingredients:
• Chasteberry (vitex) - stimulates the hormones involved with ovulation and helps restore female hormonal balance. It is used as an herbal treatment for infertility and is especially helpful for women with irregular cycles, failure to ovulate, or a short luteal phase.
• Red raspberry leaf - highly regarded for its ability to tone the uterus and muscles of the pelvic region. A highly nutritive ingredient, red raspberry is a powerful fertility-promoting herb, especially when used in combination with peppermint.
• Green tea - a powerful antioxidant that enhances reproductive health by repairing the oxidative damage that occurs naturally as the result of environmental toxins and aging. Much has been written about the positive correlation between green tea and fertility.
• Ladies mantle - a “tonic” herb that is useful in regulating a woman’s monthly cycle. It also exerts a toning effect on the cervix.
• Nettle leaf – contains a wide spectrum of vitamins and minerals that are critical to good reproductive health, including Vitamins A, C, D, K, potassium, phosphorous, iron, and sulfur; also contains calcium, key for conception and maintaining pregnancy.
• Peppermint leaf – gives FertiliTea a delicious flavor and has the added benefit of serving as a sexual stimulant.

Well for everything I ordered it wasn't expensive at all. And free shipping to boot! So if your wanting to try something different check it out! My order said it had shipped out to day too! So that was nice to know that they work quickly! So now I'm beginning to feel like I'm actually being proactive instead of just waiting... Oh and stop by Infertile Myrtle and give her some Love!!!

Thank You Ashley for being so sweet and sharing that info with me I really appreciate it!! And also to the gals who shared links to other bloggers! I have been checking them all out! Thanks again!!!

Oh and I apologize for my lack of skills on making the links Blog "correct" I couldn't for the life of me get the damn thing to work so I gave up!! I'm soo sorry maybe I will one day figure out the art of making a correct clickable link!!

Love & Hugs

Cancelled

I hate that word. I never thought to much about my use of the word cancelled until this week. And now that's the only word I can think about...

It's official my cycle has been cancelled due to lack of growth. My E2 level was at a 121 this morning but my follies never grew. Friday my E2 was at 92 so that jumped pretty well. I had around 15 to 20 follies on each side but they weren't even to the 10mm mark. The 2 good ones I had, never got any bigger then they were last week. I'm disappointed and frustrated. I can't see how women have gone through this cycle after cycle after cycle. I'm so depressed today. I don't want to do it again but I know I have to. We can't do a cycle in December because ovulation will most likely fall around Christmas. And they said that is too stressful and Christmas Eve and Christmas day are the only 2 days they are closed. So now we are being pushed back to at least the first of January for the next medicated cycle.

We have to talk about our plans. It's cheaper to do an IUI we just don't know how we feel about it.

I have to give myself the Ovidrel shot at some point today to get my body to the luteal phase . I almost don't even want to bother with it. But she says it will bring on my period. So Supposedly in the next 2 weeks I will start. So that's that!

Karma is a Bit@h!!!

I think my whining from the other day about the fact that I feel like I'm being taken advantage of has woken up mean Mama Karma... She has shown her ugly face!!!!

Yesterday I was so upset about my appointment I couldn't even drive back to work. Yes I had to work on black Friday... But that is beside the point. I went in to the practically dark medical office, all the offices in the building were closed except Dr. B's and take my seat. I tend to arrive as early as possible for my monitoring appts so I can get out of there asap and drive back to work 30+ minutes. So I slip into the waiting room and sit down. On the weekends/Fridays Jane the Receptionist isn't there. So I wait for the Nurse Prac to come out and see me waiting. While waiting I start hearing a baby cry. A BABY CRYING!!! That should have been the first inclination that I had that this appointment was going to go sour... So I think maybe its a woman... Yeah right there isn't anything here that would make a woman cry like that!! Some idiot woman has brought her child to an INFERTILITY CLINIC!!! Pardon my french: But WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I just read my magazine and try and focus on the article I'm reading and the kid just keeps making noise. This time I'm figuring out that it is probably a toddler. Cause I can hear someone trying to reason with him/her. So I'm still sitting alone in the waiting room. Then 2 couples walk in and take a seat and my Nurse Prac. Finally comes out and says it may be just a little bit. A while later she calls me for blood work. I walk back in to the hall. And it smells like someone has just had a poop party right in the ultrasound room or right outside it. So I walk back to the blood draw room. By now its wafting through the whole freaking place. I was actually starting to wonder if I stepped in some sort of animal excrement when I left my good ole country home... But then I surely would have smelled that on the 40 minute drive right? So I sit down and the tech runs back down the hall and I hear her spraying some sort of chemical and then I realize she is spraying Lysol... I said what happened? I asked if someone got the shit scared out of them in the ultrasound room? And she said no. For some reason this girl ahead of me brought her child. He had dropped a deuce in the hallway. But I guess it was a major production and the mama instead of going out of the office to the public restroom changed him on the floor in front of the blood draw station!!!! Please tell me that doesn't just freak you out a little bit?
The tech tried to tell her to go out to the public hallway but the mother refused!! The tech told her there was a baby changing station out there also. But the mother just said no the floor will be fine....

So I get my blood drawn and then had to go back out to the waiting room because this woman had such a huge mess to clean up. And then she ended up putting us other girls behind on our US because she brought her child with her. But get this: she also had her mother with her. So Why wouldn't you have had your mom wait outside in the car or downstairs in the hospital/public waiting area with your child instead of bringing him up here to run around in front of a bunch of infertile women?

When they finally got her squared away and she left I got to get my ultrasound done. This was when the fun began...

She started with my left ovary. I was pretty sensitive and I was praying that it was a good sign. She had a funny look on her face and then she squinted and bit her lip and then I asked is there anything going on in there? And she said well... We have one follie at 10mm... I then asked if that was the same follie and she said yes. And then she roamed around all over that side and said that's it. You don't have anymore growth or anymore that could catch up at this point. Then she said lets take a look at the right side... It wasn't any better the same one from the other day was still at 8mm. So she looked some more and then said she was finished. At this point I felt like the walls were shrinking. My ears felt muffled and I thought an elephant had just landed on my chest. She started to clean things up I asked her will I grow anymore before the next appt? And she said I will need to check with Dr. B but there may not be another monitoring appt. Based on your blood work we may have to cancel this cycle... WTF???!!!! I then started to cry and she said your blood work may show that your levels are high so he may do one more appointment. But I can't guarantee that. He wants us to be up front and honest with our patients and not lead them on... I was crying pretty hard by now. I couldn't understand all of the information she was giving me. Something about not wanting old eggs or old follies or something. And how were are getting to the end of the perfect time frame. Then she said don't
worry you may very well be back here on Sunday. And if not there is always the next cycle!!! I will call you before noon to tell you what he said and how your blood work came back. Then she asked if I had anymore questions. I couldn't think of any. And she left. I just sat there bare assed on the table and cried! I thought about Mr. Farmer, his Mama. I thought about how I had planned on telling our parents at Christmas. I thought about the empty bedroom in our house waiting for a child and all its little play things to fill it. And then I realized I had to call my hubby and tell him what she said. And I still had to walk out into a waiting room full of hopeful patients. With my eyes and nose beat red. So I blew my nose and got dressed. I wiped the mascara off my check and tried to make myself presentable. I walked out and wrote the check in a daze. And then when I filled out the amount I felt like I did this! I complained about the price of all these appointments and now I may not have anymore!!! Why did I do that? What is another $500 if it fills my arms up?

I got down the hall and out the elevator with no problems but as I walked out the front door a brand new daddy was loading up all the gifts from his wife's hospital room. I lost it! He even had to have a freaking Carhart coat on and a John Deere baseball cap!! What is God doing to me? I cried all the way to my truck. I sat down in my seat and this daddy was loading everything into the SUV and then checked to make sure the base for the car seat was secure. I couldn't watch! But it was like a car accident I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was readying everything for the ride home.

I backed out and the tears just gushed and gushed. I felt so guilty for being so petty about the money. And for not trying harder. I wasn't sure what else I was supposed to do but I just felt like this was my fault. I called Farmer. He couldn't understand me for the most part. He just kept saying we will get though it and take it one day at a time. Don't worry! We always make it though... Don't cry! I think he felt bad about not making it to that appt. But as far as we both knew it was just routine monitoring.

Colleen called me around 10:30 and said that my Estrogen levels were at 92 and they like to see them at 100 for ovulation. And because my levels were rising Dr. B was giving the girls one more chance to prove them selves. He won't up the dosage of Gonal-F because he doesn't like to do that twice in one cycle. So Sunday morning I go back for my monitoring appt. I'm praying very hard for my girls to wake up and grow!! I don't know what else to do!

I'm sorry this was so long I just had to get it all off my chest.

Because Marla told me too...

No not really I had to just get the details figured out in my head before I told you all what had happened this morning. My appt was this at 8:30am I knew I wasn't going to get the news I had hoped for. I just had that feeling in my gut... Maybe it was my slow growing follies that were giving me that feeling! Well what ever it was it was right. She said that with PCO (Collen always leaves off the S or D which always leaves me hanging... I just want to yell at her to use one or the other!!!) some women will respond slowly at 1st with FSH. And then all at once they can explode into full blown mature follies and there would end up being too many. So on Monday I had follies that weren't even 10mms they were in the 4,5, 6 and 7 range. Now today I have 1 single follicle on the left that is at 10mm and several still under the 10mm mark. And then on my right ovary the largest I have is an 8mm. With some little ones along with it. I'm not even growing at the normal rate of 2mm a day. But they still want me to keep coming back every other day!... Am I just whining? Does it seem like they are just milking me for more money? It could be the hormones talking and I know I need to be tested but if they know I'm not going to have mature follies by Friday then why did they need to see me today? They knew Monday that they would have to see me on Friday!!! I realize this isn't about the money it's about getting me pregnant but I do feel a little like I'm being taken advantage of. Just because I didn't go with the IUI plan. Which is a flat fee. And all the monitoring appts are included in that flat fee. So are the hormones making me paranoid? Or am I just a money tree? I'm a little perturbed because I think it would be better to use these monitoring appointments when I actually have something to freaking monitor!! Please help me see why I feel this way. Or is this how all RE's office's treat their PCO(S) patients?

What not to say to a hormone induced cazy women!!

My nurse from Dr. B's called me yesterday afternoon and said that he wants me to up my dose of Gonal F to 150 iuis and then come back on Wednesday. Oh and my follies weren't 10mms!!! They were BELOW 10mms!! What the hell!!! She does realize I'm on hormones and I could find out where she lives? Right? Then she has the nerve to tell me that this is cycle is just to see how I do on the medication!!! So the next cycle they will now where to start me out at!!! WOW!! Now you tell me!!! I'm so glad to know that all this money was just in vain!! I guess I was mistaken! Thinking this was a cycle that could truly work.... Well it could she said. Not too convincingly of course. I then asked do you actually have women who get pregnant on the 1st medicated cycle? And she said yes it does happen... So I'm just a tad frustrated today. I'm 99% sure its the hormones but I just wish they would have been more doom and gloom before they had me all jacked up on this shit!!! Oh and I fricking bruised my stomach really bad last night. That was the 1st time I have gotten a bruise from the shots. If I'm feeling brave I might post a pic but I'm soooo bloated today that I should be wearing the maternity pants I bought last week when I was so optimistic... Ahh the innocence I had last Sunday... Ha ha ha!!! Nurse Tena from Kentucky with her sweet southern drawl shattered it all for me!!!

Oh and she also told me I won't likely trigger until after the weekend!! So there goes another thousand dollars out the window!!! I'm trying to be positive about this cycle but when your nurse isn't positive about it how am I going to be?

Welcom ICLWers!!!!

I'm sorry I have been MIA this weekend. Welcome to my crazy blog!! I will catch you up a bit if your new. I appreciate your stopping by and I can't wait to meet you all via your blogs!!

I'm a twenty something farmer's wife I live in BFE Indiana (USA) with my hubby, Mr. Farmer and our 3 fur kids Missy the cat, and Maggie & Buddy the dogs.
We have been TTC with PCOS since early 2008. We have just started treatment with an RE this past Septemeber and I'm currently in the middle of my first Medicated cycle with Timed Intercourse. I'm on Gonal-F and Ovidrel. I'm extremley weepy and bloated this week so please be nice! :) Hormones are rough!!! I'm curently on CD 11 and just had my first monitering appt this morning and I have about 10 to 15 follies on each side. They are all at about 10mm each so I go back on Wednesday for my next appt.

Gonal-F

Mmm Where do I begin?

I started my shots Tuesday night. It wasn't bad! It burned when the needle was in but other then that it wasn't too terrible. I actually couldn't feel the prick at all! Now the side effects are a WHOLE different ball of wax. I have been sick to my stomach since Tuesday evening. I'm too stubborn to get a prescription for nausea. Colleen the overly informative Nurse Pract. was really trying to push giving me a script. But I just asked what over the counter stuff can I use. So she cleared me to use Pepto sparingly and Tums too. Oh and too keep my belly full with protein rich foods! So I'm working on that. And I'm quite Moody!! I'm not usually that way. But I'm just a little grumpy today! But you know it may just be cause my belly hurts. But other then the belly hurting and a little bit of bloating it's not been too awful to be on FSH!!!

Last night we found out that Mr. Farmer's Mama may need a blood transfusion. So Hubby was sifting through all our important papers trying to find out what his blood type is. We both thought he would have had to have had his blood tested when he was a baby but we haven't found the papers yet. But we do know that I am a match to his mama so I called Dr. B. and he gave me the go ahead to give as much as I could. So if Mr. Farmer doesn't end up being a match I can at least help her out a little... Keep your fingers crossed that she won't need to do it. They say it could be very hard on her system to have a blood transfusion but her platelets are getting lower and lower. So we shall see tomorrow. Pray Pray Pray for her. She got hooked up to her chemo pack yesterday afternoon. For her 2nd round of chemo. And then tomorrow they will take her back off it and do blood work and some other tests to see how everything looks. So keep my family in your thoughts and prayers the next couple days please!!

Love & Hugs
Mrs. Farmer

Baseline Appt

I survived them even though they had to split the appointments up over 2 days and then they had to draw my blood from my wrist! Other then all that they went swimmingly!!! Yes I'm a hard stick and that sucks!! I have one good vein in my left arm I try to get them to use it but only the brave will try it. They always try this one vein in my right arm that appears to be good but is sneaky... And then they dig around in my arm and make me want to pass out! Just so I don't have to deal with the fact that this moron is digging around in my flesh with a sharp metal object just trying to find some blood!!! Sunday morning I had to have CD3 blood draw and that ended up being a good thing cause after I got my blood drawn I actually took my heathen butt to church!! I hadn't gone in a good while. I actually went to a local church near the hospital. So that was nice and then I went shopping!!!

I broke one of the cardinal rules in infertility Sunday while I was shopping. Target was having a sale and they had a ton of Maternity clothes on the clearance rack. I got a couple pairs of work pants for $7 and a really cute top for $4. I know I shouldn't have done that but I did!! But I'm justifying the buying of maternity clothes because I have heard the bloat on Gonal F is terrible!! And I refuse to buy a bigger size of pants!!! So if my belly swells to a point that I can no longer wear my own clothes I will let myself slip into the same size I currently wear only in a maternity pant!! Does this sound like the ramblings of a lunatic? I think so....

But anyway they were cute and I can't pass up a good deal if I wanted to. So now I have confessed to the fact that I now own maternity clothes and I am indeed NOT PREGNANT!!! How pathetic!! But hey retail therapy is a proven fact and I do feel better after buying them!!!

Tomorrow is our third anniversary I will try and post some pics of our wedding. It was beautiful and homey, country and classic. I loved every little bit of our wedding. Not to mention the cute groom!!! So I will be working on that this afternoon.

Oh and no I didn't get the measurements of my lining yesterday during the ultrasound. I was actually in a state of sheer awe! I was amazed that we are actually HERE!!! We are starting our 1st real cycle!! Nurse Prac T did say we are good to go for this cycle and we aren't being told by DR. B to do an IUI so I'm happy about that. TI is fine for us since Mr. Farmer passed his test with flying colors or should I say Olympic swimmers!! I think C the overly informative Nurse Prac just wanted to give us that info. So we could think about it (or freak out about it!!). And last night on the way to my niece's first dance performance I got the call from freedom pharmacy for the 1 dose of Ovidrel I will need. I got most of the meds donated all but 1 dose of Ovidrel. It has been such an amazing journey to get here. I can't believe all the caring souls out there in this infertility network we have. I'm truly blessed to have found you all!!

My first dose of Gonal F is tonight I can't wait!! I'm soo excited!! I can't believe we are going to be shooting me up with our 1st round the night before our anniversary. It all seems like good signs to me!! So stay tuned for emotional ramblings this week I'm sure they will be doozies!!

Love & Hugs
Mrs. Farmer :)

CD1 & Test Results

Yippee Skippy!!!! I had a visitor stop in and see me this morning!! She will be probably be staying at the old farmhouse for a few days. But she isn't un unexpected guest all though I do hope that this will be my last visit from this guest for at least a year or longer....

Yes my aunt flow arrived in all your glory and I can't say that I'm not excited. I could barely contain my excitement as I called my RE's office this morning. I was trembling to be quite honest. I told the receptionist the news and she said she would have the NP call me back for my appt times. When Colleen the NP called back I got some interesting news. Evidently my Dr. B. has just come back from a infertility convention last month. I guess they now have proof that insemination will increase your odds of conceiving by 15%. So he is now wanting all of his patients to look into and at least think of the possibility of insemination. So that really surprised me. I'm really not ready for that. I had just gotten used to the idea of Timed Intercourse. But I guess we will take all this info in stride.

Mr. Farmers SA was great.
Count was 217 Million
Motility 65%
Morphology 12%

She said the morph was low but not a problem because the count was so high. But Dr. B. hasn't looked at his numbers yet. But she said over all this was a great SA! So I was happy to hear about that. I have heard that different offices have different normal ranges so her normal ranges were as follows.
Count: Greater then 40 mil
Motility: Greater then 50%
Morphology: 30%

So at my CD 3 blood work I will find out what Dr. B. will suggest. I talked to hubbs and we both agree that insemination is too big of a step right now. So we won't do that just yet. I feel like we haven't even really be able to try naturally because I never ovulate. So if I can get pregnant the old fashioned way with a lot of medication I would feel more comfortable with that. I am in no way saying anything about insemination being bad. I'm just saying that I'm not prepared for it. It takes me awhile to get used to big plans. And I had slowly gotten used to the idea of injectables. So this really has been hyperventilating!! But hopefully Dr. B. will agree that we should just try a TI cycle 1st!

Well that's all I got for now!! Have a wonderful weekend Chickie's!!
Love & Hugs
Mrs. Farmer:)

5 Days on Prometrium...

Makes me a mood swinging, hot flashing, tantrum throwing, crazy woman!! I broke down and cried in the hallway at the RE's office yesterday morning. I don't understand why these hormones have to be this hard on me?

Let me recap so you all can catch up on the story...

Friday afternoon on my way home from work I realized we had never scheduled Mr. Farmers SA. And I had already called in on Thursday to tell them I was at CD35. So we had to get on the ball!!! I called and left a msg to tell them I had blundered and forgot to get his SA set up so we need to do it ASAP!!!

So I knew they probably wouldn't get back with me that day, but at least I had gotten a message in. Then Sunday morning bright and early Deena with Dr. B's office calls and said that we can set it up for Tuesday morning at 8:00am. I say okay I will be bringing it cause Hubbs has too much on his plate right now so I will bring the boys myself. She said that's fine. Just get them here within the hour. I said okay we can do that!!!

So Tuesday rolls around I'm sure you know what happened in the morning. I don't think I need to give you details. I had to get out the door with the little guys as fast as I could. I put the specimen cup in my bra and headed south. I had to get there quickly!! I was so worried that I would get pulled over but I had to get there quickly. Thank God for my fuzz buster. I have never in my whole life felt that funny before. I felt quite protective of the little guys. I kept a coat over my chest and kept my hand over that just so they wouldn't get cold. I felt so responsible for them. I hated to think that something could happen and they would be wasted. I don't know if it was because of the hormones or what but I tell you I was on a freaking mission to get those little guys looked at!!

Well I pull into the lot of the hospital around 7:35 and I move the boys from between my boobs to the underside of my arm and inside my bra. Cause I didn't want the people in the waiting area thinking I had 3 boobs. And then I threw my coat on and ran inside. Up the elevator and then down the super long, lonely hall way to Dr. B's office. But when I turn the corner to open the glass door of the fertility clinic I find the door locked and all the lights inside turned off. I was stunned!!!! These little guys were swimming around in my arm pit waiting to be checked out and no body is here to check them out!!! WTH? Are you fu$king kidding me? I have just driven down the highway 80 miles an hour swooping in and out of rush hour traffic after reading on you all's paper work that the sooner I got these little guys here the better. I'm here and you are not!! WHY ME?!!! So I stood there at the door right under a video camera and cried!! I cried hard. I snorted and snotted and boo hoo'd right there in front of the security camera. Then I wiped my eyes and called Mr. Farmer he couldn't believe it either. We had been led to believe that this office was open early so women could come in and get blood drawn in the early am. But I guess today of all days they weren't doing that. So Hubby tried to calm me down. But all I could think about was those little guys sitting in my arm pit and that their time was ticking away and soon it would be gone!! So I stood there under that security camera and Hubby kept telling me it would be okay. And that it wasn't a wasted trip... But in my heart I felt like I failed the little guys...

I waited for what seemed like hours. But really it was only 24 minutes but it felt like an eternity. I saw the pudgy little receptionist coming down the long, lonely hallway with her lunch box, work bag, coat and purse all in her arms laughing along with another nurse from her office. I guess she couldn't sense that I had just finished having a melt down at the end of her hallway. And all she was worried about was clocking in 1 minute before they "opened." She unlocked an unmarked door several doors down from where I stood under the watchful eye of the security camera. And she and the nurse disappeared behind the door. It was 2 minutes after 8:00 when the front door was finally unlocked. By that time my heart felt so heavy when I walked through that door. And yes I know it was probably because of my hormones. But it was "too late" I didn't get them here under the hour mark. I felt like I failed!!!

I had to fill the paper work out for my hubbs and I wrote the time and everything down. They never said anything about it. She acted like business as usual so maybe they were okay. We won't hear back I guess until the end of the week. Cause the doc has to read the results and he isn't at the hospital I go to except 2 weeks out of the month so they will have to fax them to his home office 3 hours away. So keep your fingers crossed and pray all kinds of prayers for our little swimmers. And pray that they were still swimming when they finally got around to looking at them.

Oh and yes I know we could have had the hubbs do his thing down there in the office But my hubby was adamant about doing it at home. So going to the office was entirely out of the question.

And no AF has not shown her ugly face yet. I'm patienly waiting. I took my last pill Monday night and I have only had cramps and moodswings to show for it. So on top of praying for our swimmers pray that I get a period too!!!

Love & Hugs to you all!!!

Stuff... (Sorry thats the best title I could come up with this morning)

Well I have gotten a couple awards and I promise I will get to them as soon as I can. It takes me a little while to figure all this technology out. And making clicky links is really new to me. So Bear with me!!!! I promise I will get to them!!

I haven't had a chance to put up a farming post because frankly we have been toO busy farming... Imagine!!! But while I was helping out I took tons of pics so I promise to post them too!!!

Now on to the nitty gritty!!! My RE's office called and said that the HSG was clear my tubes look great!! The radiologist didn't seem to see anything that concerned him. Not even that floating ovary way up in my rib cage!! Well maybe I'm exaggerating a little! I don't think it was as high as all that but it sure looked funny floating away just tethered to my lady bits by a little tube. It reminded me of a astronaut floating in space with only that tube or life line thingy keeping him from floating away.

So she asked if we were going to begin a medicated cycle next? And I said yes that's our plan and she said we would need to do blood work and an ultrasound of course at the start of my next cycle then we would order the meds and then we would be ready to roll!! Of course that would be after I took a pregnancy test that was positive... I'm flabbergasted!! I can't believe were here. I had kind of thought in the back of my head. That suddenly at the last possible minute before I would have to say yes to all these tests and procedure that a miracle would happen!! And I would just miraculously end up pregnant... Yes I know I'm a big dreamer!!! But a girl can always dream right? I know they told me its not like it will happen naturally for me but I guess I just was holding on to that last little glimmer of hope. Even last night I was telling hubby we should step it up a notch cause this is our last ditch effort before the meds. And he being the red blooded man that he is. And it probably didn't help that I have plumb wore that boy out!!! Since last Saturday... He asked a simple Why? And I of course got all defensive and said well didn't you hear the nurse practitioner say it is possible to get KU after an HSG. I think he felt guilty about being a little calloused. He tried to make it up to me by tyring to work again on my little project ;) But then I felt guilty for not letting him rest. So I gave him a night off. I know down deep its not going to happen this way. I have even been using the OPK's this week and I know they aren't going to help me either so I just finally have to say I GIVE UP!!!! I will do it the Doctor's way!!!

So yes this week has been a tad bit difficult to bear. A guy here at work just had a new baby. He has been complaining about the lack of visitors at the hospital (swine flu epidemic in Indiana so just 2 visitors over the age of 25 per room) And then he was complaining about her (his wife) being grouchy and I'm just not in the mood to hear all this about how rough he has it having a new born at home that isn't sleeping through the night. He is the worst example of a father/husband anyway but that just has made it ten times worse for me. But luckily he is gone this afternoon.

And maybe if I don't get to busy I can throw some pics on here from this past weekend... Keep your fingers crossed!!

The rest of the story...

I'm much better today. I was pretty sore and achy after the HSG but that to me was more like the whole period cramping feeling like crap stuff. But I actually think I was achy and sore because I had tensed up so much during the procedure. But that's just my opinion. Now on to the good stuff!!! This is going to be a long one too!! I apologize!!

Like I said the weather was freaking TERRIBLE!! And there is nothing more depressing then a cold, rainy and nasty day. But add an HSG to your schedule and your day has gone to pot before you have even begun. So I get out of the clinic and call my hubbs and my voice is still trembling cause I was still kind of in shock over Dr. GQ and his torture chamber! So Hubby could tell I was hurting. So he asked me what the doc said and if he thought I was ok etc. And I said that he gave me the all clear!! So Hubbs was happy and we talked for a few more minutes but he had to go cause he was hauling grain. So I told him I was going to run to my Aunt A.'s (my mother's little sister) house and visit with her for a bit and then if I feel better I might just get some shopping done. The town where my RE's office is at, is "The Big City" it's an hour away from our home and it has 2 Malls!!! And I never ever get to shop anymore so I was going to have to will myself to feel better so I could go and shop!!

So I'm pulling out of the hospital parking lot and I start dialing what I thought was my aunt's telephone number and come to find out it wasn't!! Lord a mercy was I shocked when my Grandmother picked up!! This is my mom's mother. And at this point in time there has been a lot of bad blood going on in my mother's family. My mother has a huge family and her brothers are all farmers and they got into a big fight with my mom, her 2 sisters and 1 of her brothers and the farm and business ended up getting split up. Well my mom's mother sided with my mother's brothers. And hasn't spoken to my mom since it happened. I actually had only seen my Grandmother once since this all took place and it was at Christmas Last year. So here out of the clear blue sky I accidentally call my Grandmother who of course is at home!! (Where else would an 82 year old woman be at on a nasty ass day?) And she was all surprised when I called of course!! And I know I sounded shocked as shit when she answered. I wish I could have had it recorded because I was soo stunned that she was answering my aunt's phone... Then I put 2 & 2 together and realized I had fu$ked up and so I was like Hey grandma I'm in the area do you mind if I stop in to see you? She was shocked and was a little confuzzeled and said: yes,... uh... okay, I think that should be fine. She wanted to know what I was down here for and of course I told her I was here for a doc appt. And I hung up and thought oh shit what are we going to talk about?! My family doesn't see each other I haven't seen her in almost a year!! But I need to see her she is getting older and isn't in good health maybe its meant to be that I stop in and see her. So I had to get my story straight in my head. I thought if I tell her I'm meeting a friend for lunch at 12:30 that way I won't have to stay too long and at this point its already after 11:00 so I drive over to her house which is less then 5 min from Dr GQ's torture chamber. And I run in and we talk small talk for a little while avoiding all subjects that would involve talking about my mother (Whom I don't really get along with) and my uncles whom my grandmother sided with so she then asks what I was getting done. She had thought I had all my docs in my new home town now. And then I thought you know I'm just going to bite the bullet and tell a little of this to my grandmother. I really have no women in my life to talk about this to (Except my bloggy girls.) So I break down and say we have been going to a fertility specialist. To find out why we haven't been able to get pregnant. And she was actually interested!! She asked me questions then asked me what I did today and I said I had a procedure done. She could tell I wasn't feeling well. I told her how they told me it would be a glorified pap smear... yada yada!! Then she said oh yeah right kind of like the mammogram that we women have to have!! She says that it must have been a man that invented all these damn tests!!! I would like to put his balls in that damn mammogram machine and I bet after that torture they would find a better way to check for cancer!! She said if there wasn't anything wrong with your tits before you got there, there's something wrong with them now!! She cracks me up when I talk to her. We had a good convo. I didn't tell her everything. My grandmother was super fertile she had a couple miscarriages though and 1 stillborn. So I guess she understands a little I mean I would rather be in my situation and not be able to get pregnant. Then being able to get pregnant and not be able to carry it to term... I thought about that for awhile and then realized it was getting close to 12:15 and I wasn't in as much pain and I had mentioned that I was meeting a friend for lunch so I kissed her goodbye and she told me good luck and that she would pray for me... I think I needed that even though I didn't think I would ever be close to my grandma again it was good for us both...

But the day still isn't over yet...

So I start driving down the strip and I know that I'm not hungry so I thought I will run to Barnes and Noble cause I never get to go there anymore unless I'm down here in "The Big City" and maybe by the time I get out of there I will be hungry. So I run in there and once I'm in B&N I could be lost in there for hours. I LOVE books so I pick up some books for me and then look in the children's dept for my nephews and before I know it I have an arm load of stuff. So I head down stairs. I'm starting to get hungry. As I'm going down the escalator I notice the display of the 70th anniversary of the Wizard of Oz!! My dad's baby sister N. is a huge fan of the Wizard of Oz and so I walk over and look at the table and I instantly think of her and her daughter S. because her daughter S. collects all things Wizard of Oz. Then I walk away from the table and I hear a women call my name. I turn around and its my Aunt N.!!! She lives about 8 minutes from my house in poe dunk Indiana and we both happen to be at B&N in "The Big City" on a week day. When we both work!! WTH? So I run over and I give her a hug. This Aunt was my shoulder to cry on during the preparation for my wedding. She helped me so much back then. And she was so surprised to see me as I was her. And she asked what are you doing down her? I said well I had a dr. appt. And then she raised an eyebrow and said aren't all your docs back home? And I said well I'm seeing a specialist. And then I could tell she got the drift then she asked me who I was seeing? And I told her Dr. B he is really good. And she said well you know that your Aunt D. (Another aunt on my dad's side by marriage) and I went to Dr. G. to get pregnant. I said well I kind of remember hearing little bits but I was a teenager and that all didn't register back then. And she then asked what I had done today. And I told her I had an HSG. And she said OMG!!! And your shopping? Are you crazy?!!! She told me hers had been soo painful! She just laid on the couch all weekend. I said yes it was terrible but I wanted to try and do some shopping while I was down her. Then she asked if I had eaten and I said no I had actually lied to my grandma and I told her I was meeting a friend for lunch!! And she said well I don't want you to lie to her!! So lets go eat! She took me to this great little Cafe that was dead!! It was quiet and cozy. And so we sat down and started talking about all of the trouble she had gone though to get my cousin S. My Aunt N. was 40 when she finally got pregnant. (She is 50 now) I knew back then that it was a big deal. But nobody in my family talks about infertility and so I never asked what her and my other aunt's infertility issues were. It always seems like the wrong place and time to bring it up. So I never did. Come to find out my Aunt N. has the same thing I have, PCOS! And she had to also have a cyst removed by surgery. But it was just soo amazing to sit down and talk to someone in my family about all this. I felt somewhat isolated because on both sides every body has babies and its just a given that your going to have them too. And when we weren't they all started bombarding us with the: "Your not getting any younger" or "Don't you want kids?" And we would always play it off. But it was soo hard!! My Aunt N and I talked about all the treatments she went through and the treatments that my other Aunt went though. It was amazing to hear it from someone else. I don't know why but I think I really needed all that on Thursday. It helped with the whole processing of emotions. I mean what are the odds that I would find the only blood relative that I have that has dealt with infertility in a city that big on her afternoon off. And who just happened to have time to spend the rest of the day talking about her wonky ovaries? And how similar our paths were but yet we never knew till that afternoon. I know this probably doesn't sound as wild to you as it does to me but I believe that everything happens for a reason and my bumping into my Aunt N. on that day wasn't a coincidence. I was finally able to sit down and talk to someone just like I would with my mom if my mom wasn't freaking nuts. My Aunt N. helped me with my wedding because my mom was going berserk and then after all that quieted down my Aunt and I hadn't really gotten to talk or catch up or anything. She knew that we must have been struggling because she knew how much I loved children. But she never saw a good opportunity to bring up the infertility conversation with me. And she knows how hard it is for me to not have a mother that I can talk too. I have a mom but my mother is very judgemental and believes that one of the reasons why the farmer and I haven't gotten pregnant is because of the sinful lives we have led... And the fact that I don't go to church anymore. My mother is the ultimate holy roller. I haven't really seen too many that could out do her. So because she believes the way she does. She also doesn't think that children that are conceived say through IUI or IVF or some other method other then "the marital bed" that they won't have a soul. Which I whole heartily disagree with!!!! So I just don't tell my mother ANYTHING!! I don't want her telling people my babies don't have a soul. But I still wish sometimes that I could talk to a woman about the pain of a procedure or the hopes that I have or the dreams or fears of all this. Because it is really hard to talk about some of this stuff with my hubby. But like I said I truly think God knew I needed my Aunt N. and he sent her and we had a beautiful afternoon talking about everything involved in this infertility journey. It was 5:30 when we left the Cafe. I didn't do any more shopping that night. Because I was to excited to tell Farmer everything that had happened.

That's it there ain't no more I hope you didn't fall asleep!! :)
Oh and from here on out I promise not to write this long of a post! I just had too many back stories to catch you all up on.

The Morning After...

O Lordy!! Well the first thing I want to say is: that I want to hunt down the man who created the Hystrosalpingogram and lay him on his side on a gravel road. Then run my Ford Expedition over his Mr. Winky about 4 or 5 times and that MIGHT come close to the pain I experienced!! I have never in my life been lied to like that. Mild Cramping? Oh HELL NO!!! I don't know if I'm just the biggest baby on all creation but I tell you I was crying!!

My day started out raining like crazy!! It poured the whole way to the radiologist. The office is an hour away so it was kind of nasty and lonely cause hubbs wasn't able to go with me. And I was under the impression that it was going to be a piece of cake with slight cramping and so I had grand plans of going shopping in the big city on my own with out hubbs. So I get to the office in plenty of time to get checked in and watch a little of the Today Show. Not that I could tell you anything they were even talking about. But I sat there. The whole way down I had prayed that I would get a women radiologist or at the very least an older man... I still have not had to show my junk to a male doctor and I think at least point I'm starting to get a complex about having to show my vag willy nilly.... Yes I know I shouldn't be a prude and if you met me you would find out that in every other facet of my life I am not a prude!! But when it comes to having people scoping out my lady bits I have always preferred to have a female. So when I had my consult with the RE I had made myself all nervous about showing the prudish vag to him but I was getting prepared and got it set in my mind that I was going to do it. But then he never checked her out!!! So her she was all prepared for nothing!!! So I fell back into my old ways of being a prude and was worried all about it. And then a lady came and called me and she was SOOOOO sweet!! She took me to the back and we sat down and she went over the whole procedure (she left out the minor little detail of the freight train exploding through my uterus and having to try and turn while it did so) And we chatted and I signed some papers. She told me that its just a glorified pad smear and she said the Doctor who performs the procedure is just AWESOME!! He really is!! (Did you see that? Yes she said HE!!!) And then I know the panic really set in. I then thought I better tell her that my favorite Aunt still hasn't completely gotten her things packed up to leave yet. And she said that it shouldn't be a problem. I told her how embarrassing that was for me. And she said it does happen pretty frequently and not to worry. She then led me to a dressing room and she gave me the gown and I came out and she had me hop up on the table. But they didn't have any stirupps which was odd. I thought if they are doing this procedure wouldn't it help them with getting in there... So she told me I would need to scoot all the way down to the edge and curl my toes over the end of the table... How terrible is that? Okay I thought whatever!! Then she said for the time being just stretch out and relax for now and I will return with the doctor. I'm still praying that I get the twin of Doctor Spook or something Any man over the age of 55 would be nice. And I'm still praying I hear the door open and the lovely little nurse says Mrs. Farmer this is Dr. H!! Oh Holy Lord in Heaven I almost fell off the table!!! I think she must have ran down to the GQ casting call and pulled him out of line!! It was like meeting Adonis! He was BEAUTIFUL!!!! And in a totally manly way too!! And now I thought for sure that I was going to die from embarrassment! Can I just pull this sheet over my head for the rest of this? But no we had to make SMALL TALK!! Then the doc is prepping and he looks at his tools and asks the nurse why she has the pediatric speculum out? I was totally confused! Then she said well I thought it would be easier on her... Then he said no I want to us the bigger one. Which then of course now I'm nervous and when I'm nervous I start acting stupid and I said hey doc what a way to make a girl feel comfortable!! Tell her you need a bigger speculum!! Wow that's priceless!! And he I think got embarrassed and said no I wasn't meaning your big. I just thought it would be harder on you cause we will have to clamp down a lot harder... And he didn't finish then he said actually the one I'm going to use is a medium speculum. Then I said I guess that makes me feel a little better!! I have never been a medium my entire life!! And then he and the nurse chuckled. But then it was time to introduce Dr. GQ to Ms Vag and I was at this point in full blown panic mode. And he was being gentle and cute and I was wishing I was any where but here and then it said your going to feel some slight pressure... (Bull shit it felt like he stuffed his fist in there with a grocery sack of broken glass!!) This is from the balloon. (WTH a balloon!! Nobody told me any thing about a balloon!! And then he said your going to feel some slight cramping!!! (Minor is what I had heard before, now your telling me slight cramping?!! I'm starting to think I came to a Sadistic Radiology Clinic) So the pain was freaking terrible and then while your writhing in agony they want you to roll over on each side and hold it so they can take a picture!!! Dear Lord I was in so much pain and they were being nice I do have to say. But it was NOTHING!!! Like I had expected. Dr. GQ was actually very nice once it was all over I was almost light headed from all the pain but he wanted to make sure I was alright. And then he showed me the pics and told me I looked all clear. It flowed all the way through. I do have a ovary floating waaay up in no mans land i didn't know they could do that. My left ovary is sitting right where its supposed to and my Right is floating around like a boob er on a fishing pole. It looked kind of weird but he said its normal. And he said I did good and wished me luck and walked out. And then the nurse helped me up she said I know this is going to sound gross but you might want to put your sheet between your legs when you get up... As you can only imagine there is all kinds of nastiness that will arrive as you rise and are up and about the rest of the day. I did it!! I survived and all I had to do was clean up and get the hell out!!

Public Service Announcement:
Please please please if you have to have one of these done ask your doctor for a prescription for some sort of pain medicine!! Even if you aren't a baby like me I would have rather been over medicated then under medicated. I was told to take 600mg of Advil. I took 800mg cause I'm a baby...

Oh and pack your personal preference of feminine protection also. They have that yucky hospital stuff but I wouldn't want to have to get stuck with that riding around in my pants till I got home.

I will need to tell you all the rest of the story tomorrow Because the day got pretty weird after I left the radioloigist. It's super weird but awesome all at the same time.

Panic Mode!!

Yes today is the day!! I have to go in for my HSG and I'm a tad bit nervous about it. I know I have been told not to worry about it. I have also been told that it’s not too painful. I have heard that the most pain you will be in is from the shot they give your cervix... But I soo nervous and I can't help it!! This is actually the first procedure I have had done regarding infertility. I have had several vag ultrasounds before but nothing besides that. So here we go!!! I'm going to be stepping into the unknown in a few hours. PRAY FOR ME!!!!

I tried to get this written yesterday but I have been so busy at work. Which is a geat thing!! Keeps my mind occupied but I wasn't able to tell all of you what was going on. So anyhoo please think of me today. Oh and one of the biggest reasons I'm so freaking nervous is that my Bloody Aunt Flow still hasn't freaking left town yet!!! Its not as bad as it was the other day but she is still hanging around and I know I'm going to be mortified in a few hours!!! So here we go....

If any of you were wondering?.... (TMI warning)

My Gift arrived from mother nature yesterday morning while I was at work! I have never wanted to scream and cry about something like that before! But I tried to keep my composure and but then I did a little happy dance in the ladies bathroom. And then while dancing I started to cry because it has been such a freaking long time! I have FINALLY started a new cycle!!! I can quite taping pages to my more the 3 foot long cycle. I actually have a game plane!! I'm going to beat this thing and I'm not going to be defeated!! I had a freaking period!!!!! How freaking awesome is that? (How many more times can I write freaking?) Well last night it wasn't so awesome... I was in major agony but oh such sweet agony!! I happily laid on my sofa with my feet up and a heating pad and my box of Godiva chocolates and I knew that I deserved it. This has been a very different period then anything I have ever had. I feel absolutely terrible. I'm wondering if its because he has me on an aspirin regimen. It is pretty bad. I have almost all our bedding in the tub soaking. It looked like my husband murdered me last night! I was told by the RE that I wasn't building lining upon lining! But I really don't know where all this "gift" is coming from... Too many more days like this and my hubs will be able to collect on the life insurance policy. I didn't know I could lose this much blood and still be alive... Not that I feel alive right now. I actually feel like death warmed over. But it may just be because my body isn't used to going though this and I'm just a freaking big baby!!! But don't get my wrong I'm not complaining about all this. I actually laughed when I saw the sheets this morning!! It reminded me of that old movie Carrie for some odd reason. It was quite comical. Not so much now that I'm having trouble getting the stains out of my beautiful Ivory Egyptian cotton sheets. But that serves me right for only liking light colored sheets... I am truly laughing at myself!!! One of these days I will learn!! Until then does any one have any good tricks at getting stains out of Ivory cotton?

This weekend

Well I have an update of sorts on little S the girl I wrote about here
She has been found. Her mother had abandoned her. But now she is in the custody of her grandparents. Thank You Lord!!! We found this out last night from my hubbs cousin. They really think she will be happier now. I can't imagine what had happened and her mother ought to be thrown in jail for life. But I don't think they even know where she is. Oh and the kicker is this women had another child that was an infant and she left it with a friend of hers to raise!!! WTH?!! I'm just glad that S will be taken care of and will not have to survive on her own any more and is in a home of people who love her and will protect her.

Our weekend went well the weather was beautiful!! I worked on getting the porches decorated for fall. One of the perks of living in a farming community is that you can always "borrow" melons, pumpkins, corn you name it we swap for it. Usually Mr. Farmer gets called out by the local farmers to come and fix equipment or to advise on broken tractors etc. Hubby has been a tractor mechanic for years. He loves tinkering on anything with a motor. As long as its not a chevy that is... :) He is a tad partial to Fords. Anyway hubs took me to one of our neighbors pumpkin fields to get pumpkins cause I have been hounding him for a week to bring some home when he ran by there... But this way I got to pick my own. We had about 14 mama jama pumpkins in the bed of that truck. They are just gorgeous this year. There is just something about fall that just stirs me up inside. I love the falling leaves and the colors and the crisp air. I just love love love fall! I love getting to wear my sweaters and boots! Riding in the combine with my honey. Having bon fires and roasting marshmallows. Mmmm I just love fall!! I took some pictures too. I have to tell you I'm addicted to hearts. I collect them and if its cool and unusual I will buy the item that is covered in hearts, is a heart or what have you. Saturday I was grocery shopping and found a huge container of gourds which I usually buy a few for decorations. So I start digging in this bin for the best gourds and I find myself a little gourd that had a heart!! It was so unusual!!!




I'll post some pictures of the pumpkins we got last night later. For now I will show you a pic of my favorite flower/bush thingy that is in my front yard. I have no idea what the name is but I have 5 of them and they are huge. And the butterflies love them!!! The flowers are just covered in butterflies throughout the day.




Oh and if your wondering if my body has reacted badly to the prometrium!!! I will have to tell you that is hasn't!! I can't believe it!!! I'm actually on double the dose I have usually been on in the past. But this time around I haven't had the bloating, nor the severe cramps, headaches, nausea. I really think its because of the acupuncture. That is the only thing I have done differently since the last prometrium induced period which was Jan of 2009. So I highly recommend acupuncture!! I have my appointment with Beth the most wonderful acupuncturist in the world this afternoon!! You all will think this is terrible of me. But at my RE appt last Thursday I completely forgot to bring up the fact that I had been going to acu for the past 6 months. I got brain freeze when they told me I was going to have to have an HSG and he wanted me to start inject ables. I wasn't able to think properly after that. But the sad thing is that it wasn't until this morning while washing my hair that I had remembered that I didn't tell him about how I wanted to keep seeing her... Which I really highly doubt it will be a problem this cycle anyway because we aren't officially "trying" this time around. But anyway I guess I'll just tell her to stick me where it will make aunt flow's visit more imminent and skip the traditional Chinese herbs. Oh and the RE recommended that I start taking a baby aspirin and 1000mg of Folic acid along with my prenatal vit. So that might be helping with the lack of side effects. But I'm not sure.

Oh and I'm going to leave you with a couple more pics I took last night. Of my puppies and hubby. My fur kids love watermelon and this will probably be the last melon of the season since we have mowed them all down and plowed the field. We kept several for the kids and this is the last one we had.


Daddy Farmer, Buddy & Maggie



Maggie



Buddy

1 down!! How many more to go?

Well we did it!!! We survived our first official appointment!! It was nerve racking and I was tongue tied the whole time. I didn't get my vay jay jay checked out though. She was all ready too!!! Oh well I guess next time... :) I was right about the questions. I never did think of any except: "what are the clinic’s success rates?" The rest he and his Nurse Practitioner covered before I even thought of them. I felt like I was learning how to juggle in a circus. They just kept handing us papers and then would bring out another stack and circle things then slide it across the table and go at it again. It was exhilarating and frightening all at one time. I know Farmer is worried about the cost of everything. But I think once we get all the crops in he really won’t mind at all. This is always panic season for him. Especially if more then 80% of our crops are still in the ground. But really the timing couldn't’t be better.

Dr. B and NP G. are AWESOME!!!! I LOVE them already. They are a little kooky but I think it’s a good thing. First off the list Dr. B said he was going to give me my favorite drug of all: Prometrium at 200mg twice a day for 5 days at bedtime. Then he said get a SA for hubbs. Which I don’t think he was too thrilled about considering: “She is the one with the problem.” But then NP G. said “Well it would end up being a total waste of money to have all the tests done on Mrs. Farmer and buy all the meds for this protocol then get started and then find out your swimmers weren’t swimming…” Bingo!! That did it!! I saw the light bulb go off. Then Dr. B. said we would need to get Mrs. Farmer set up for an HSG. And then on the 1st cycle (When your ready) we will start with Gonal-F so we can do a total of 3 rounds on that before they would move us on. At this point at his office it looks like for one round it will cost $2,595.00 I’m not sure how this compares around the country. I thought it was a pretty good price. Here is the breakdown.
Meds $1,000.00 (average)
Initial u/s (med check) = $245
Monitoring us & b/w (mid cycle check) = $500 each
(Unknown number depending upon how quickly I respond to meds)
Progesterone check (u/s b/w) = $350

I will be paying all this out of pocket pretty much because my insurance has NO coverage for any fertility treatments, testing etc. The lady in the financial office said that they a lot of times can get the HSG covered and the initial u/s and some blood work covered by my insurance but it can get pretty sticky. So here we go!!! No turning back now!!!

Welcome ICLW’ers I look forward to visiting you all!!!



P.S. I’m soo sorry I haven’t been able to comment or even really read blogs this week because the phone lines at my home have been screwy!! Hopefully I will have Internet this weekend and I can catch up on reading!! It’s so hard to read at work or write for that matter. Just thought I would let everyone know that I’m not ignoring you all I MISS you VERY MUCH!!!!

7 DAYS

I can't believe it. In less then 168 hours I will be sitting in Dr. B's office and pouring out my heart & soul and expecting some miracles to take place. (Oh and I will probably be a blubbering, sobbing idiot too!!!) I'm not as nervous as I thought I would be at a week out. I thought I would be going insane with worry at this point. Really the only thing that is bothering me is that I haven't really thought of any questions to ask. Is that not ridiculous? I have no periods that is the most obvious question but beyond that I'm not thinking of anything else. I'm sure the night before I will be going crazy from 12:00 am till around 5:00 am with questions passing all through my head all night long. On top of the weird ones like should I change the color of polish on my toes? What if the dark red looks too wild. Not mommy meterial. Maybe I should change it to a motherly pink? Or no maybe I should show my quriky side and paint them that electric blue I have never used... Yes this is what my mind does to me in the middle of the night when I have something very important the next day. I can't shut it down!!

Countdown!!!!

Oh lordy I haven't been very good this past week!! Please forgive me. I have been reading in my spare time!!! And my reading hasn't always had to do with my faulty lady part either! As you may have heard I'm in a book club now and we have officially started reading our 1st book this past week. So far its been pretty good. No complaints. We chose: The Next Thing on My List By Jill Smolinski. I highly suggest it thus far. I have gotten about half way though it. I'm picking next months book and I'm a little apprehensive because I don't want to upset anyone or to pick the wrong thing. So if anyone has a good suggestion for our October book please send then my way. I have a small list put together. I will post it below and if you have read them please comment on them.

The Year of Fog
The Seamstress
My Sister's Keeper
The Murder of a Medici Princess
Nineteen Minutes
The Memory Keepers Daughter
The Secret Life of Bees
Her Fearful Symmetry


I was kind of thinking of maybe a good romance, mystery, intrigue, suspense, but not too scary. I will have to do the theme for our meeting and since its October I thought it would be fun for it to be a little (very little) scary. On account of Halloween being such a fun holiday and I have found some great finger foods for our October mtg too. So please HELP!!!!!!!

Oh and on the Fert front. Still no AF and I'm okay with it. I'm not anxious about it like I was. I'm 9 days and counting away from the big RE appt. And I know that everything will change once I have gotten through that appt. So now I just have to coast though the next 9 days and not think too much about my wonky ovaries and spiteful uterus. So everyone give me your opinions on my book lists and stick with me as I count down to the first MALE gyno appt!!!! Yippee!!!

Love & Hugs to all my fellow bloggies