What If...

What if I can't give my husband an heir... I know this isn't Mid-evil times. This is not the year 1510!! Why? Do you ask, am I'm acting like it is? Let me explain my madness...

My husband is a farmer. And as such, farm families pass the ground & business on to the next generation. My husband is the last in his family, his father had 2 brothers none of whom had sons so the farm passes to my husband. Mr. Farmer is the last of 5+ generations farming and living on this ground. And he has no one to pass this on to. His ground has been in his family for hundreds of years. I know it has come up between his mother and father about what is going to happen to "The Farm" when they die. What will happen to the ground they poured their very blood, sweat and tears into?

What if I can't give a child to my husband?

This thought keeps me up at night. I'm the first wife in this long line of Farmer women who could not produce an heir... If this was the year 1510 I could be beheaded for not producing an heir!! I realize my husband is not that shallow as to leave me for some one who could produce a child. But I want more then anything to give him the sons/daughters he deserves.

What if... We turn 70 and we have no children? We will end up having to sell his family's heritage, and history instead of having someone to pass that legacy on to...

What if... We never have a biological child but we get the opportunity to adopt and can create a new legacy!! And his name will still have chance to live on? I hope that no matter what we will have a child, whether it is born through my body or through my heart. I will give him a child!!

Please go over to Mels blog and read other IFs.

www.resolve.org/infertility101

www.resolve.org/takecharge

Answers for Marla and Circus Princess

Marla,
No we do not name all the hens or the rooster's there are just way too many. And quite a few of them look a lot a like. Although there is one little hen that has been named. She is a funny little gal that was hatched with a deformed leg. And hops around like she has a kick stand. She is a cute little gal. Mr Farmer named her Petie. Why he named her a boy's name I don't know but that's her name. She hides from the roosters and the other hens. Because chickens can be mean to one another. That is where "The Pecking Order" originated from. They can be down right terrible to one another. So Petie hides and we give her a special pile of food that the others can't get at. And the roosters are pretty much to blame when it comes to who gets pecked on.

Circus Princess,
Our roosters don't seem to need the Viagra. Those roosters are quite virile. So I don't think we will be calling the local vet for a big "boost of confidence" for my roosters.
But I think what really helps them perform is: Mama Farmer will fry all the slackers...
I think that little tactic keeps the roosters on their toes and in their peak performance

Now about the eggs: there is a VERY slim chance of getting a fully formed chick. It is usually only a problem if you don't keep track of your chickens or where they lay their eggs. And if you are not out gathering your eggs EVERYDAY!!! Some hens will hide their eggs if they are free range (meaning out in the "wilderness" 24 hours a day.) They will set on them for several days and then finally we humans stumble upon them and throw them in the basket... And instead of a fried egg you could end up with a fried chicken... It can be pretty gross!! But if you keep your chickens in a run so they can go out in the sun throughout the day. And then have a place for them to roost each night they will lay their eggs in the coop and not hide them. That way you won't have to worry about having half-formed chicks... Which by they way is about the worst start to your day!!!

Double Yolks: I know that some of our hens are pretty consistent at laying double yolked eggs or as my 5 year old nephew says: A Double yodder... They say that some of the bigger hens can lay double yodders every time. Not sure why some of them can and some can't It might be the DNA... Who Knows!! Also some of the little bitty hens called Banty's (Bantam is the proper name) they have little bitty eggs almost half the size of a regular chicken egg. When they first start laying they some eggs won't even have a yolk in them. So that would be an no yodder!!...

OxyMoron

Now I just want to remind you all that I live in INDIANA! Indiana is in middle of The United States of America... Not Europe!
So While I was driving to work Friday I saw this car on the highway. I literally laughed all the way to work. By the time I got to work I was kicking myself for not having gotten a picture of it.
So that I could share it with you all...
But this morning I was on my way to the bank to make a deposit and I saw the very car that made my day last week sitting in a parking lot in front of our old movie theater. So I had to turn around and take a picture! This person is a GENIUS!!!!
Just thought I would share a funny with you all!!

The Hen House

I want to introduce you to the little ladies that rule the roost down at the Farm... These little ladies are busy little bees. Let me tell you. They have about 5 roosters terrorizing them at all hours of the day.... But they are happy little gals and they fill my egg basket every night. The pictures are a little fuzzy cause the lighting is terrible in the coop and a chicken NEVER stands still!!!!


Patiently waiting for cracked corn and ground feed

Edna looks like she's dancing but really she is just heading down to Sally's cubby so they can chat about that stud of a rooster...

I wish you could hear the noise. Chickens and roosters are so freaking loud!! It's incredible all the noise that goes on in a little coop

This is the end that an egg comes out of... Yes Little Miss Sally is entering her little cubby to lay her daily egg

The Headless Chicken... No not really she is just really into getting that corn at the bottom of the bunk that she isn't even paying any attention to me

This guy thinks he is Hot stuff. All the ladies want him... Well shall call him Antonio

One of the 6 things Chickens do all day long. Peck, eat, poop, get nailed by the sex crazed roosters, lay eggs, & sleep

Now the Roosters day is a little different then that... But I won't go into his day. Let's just say he does one thing over and over and over again....

Poor Girls!!!

The Un-Anniversary...

In 2 weeks we will be hitting an anniversary I never thought we would ever get to. I remember being so naive in thinking that it would probably take Mr. Farmer and I awhile to get pregnant... 6 months maybe. A year tops!... But now we are nearing the 2 year mark of officially Trying To Conceive. I'm not going to say that I'm mad or even aggravated. I actually think at times I feel a little blessed for all the time we have had together. Other times I don't... I do think we have grown a whole lot in the last 2 years. Especially in the last year. I feel somewhat calloused though. Not as trusting as I was back then. I sometimes miss that young impressionable Mrs. Farmer. The one who read from cover to cover 2 separate times: "What to Expect when your Expecting." Thinking that by the time I finish this book the 2nd time we should be pregnant! I remember thinking that if I wasn't thinking positive thoughts I could send bad vibes to my uterus.... I had all these cute innocent little ideas I had thought up. The first year we were trying I found myself buying clothes for a baby that didn't even exist! I had little toys and nursery decorations too! Now all those things are sitting in a wardrobe that was once in my own nursery as a child. I swear at times I can hear those play things whispering to me... Sometimes they are taunting me. Telling me they will never ever be played with! Because I jumped the gun! I bought toys for a phantom baby!.... And other times I swear they are whispering apologies to me. Saying how they feel sorry for the fact that I have a wardrobe full of baby things and no baby to use them.

Yes I know I'm nuts!! I hear toys talking! I swear it's just infertility induced craziness! But maybe it's not! Maybe it just took the infertility to make it surface. And that in turn is why I'm still not Knocked the F&*K up!!! I'm too mentally damaged to have children...

I have been contemplating boxing them up tight maybe double boxing them and then wrapping duct tape around the whole freaking thing and putting them in the attic at Mama Farmer's house. I think that after 2 years I probably should. I think I'm being a glutton for punishment if I keep them in that damn wardrobe. I remember how I used to open it up and unfold those little clothes and just imagine a little body filling those hollow little outfits. He would have his father's eyes, my cheeks, his father's temperament and maybe even my eyebrows. But now I just don't see him anymore.

Fertili Tea

I can't believe it but I have been drinking my FertiliTea faithfully since I got it. And you all won't believe this!! I'm actually getting the warnings that Auntie Flow is coming soon... I don't want to be a TMI poster. But I have had visual confirmation that Auntie Flow is in town and will be arriving at my door soon!!! Like maybe this afternoon!!!! I'm amazed!!! I actually started drinking the tea on Monday Apr 12th in the afternoon! I had just placed the order the Friday (9th) before!! That is some super fast shipping!! The tea tastes AWESOME!! It is exactly just like the peppermint tea I already drink . It's not hard to get used to at all. And the tablets aren't bothering my stomach which I was a little worried about. I feel really good. No weird side effects. I'm just totally floored that this stuff is working so quick! I never in a million years would have expected it to work in a weeks time. I even think I'm going to run by the drug store today and buy a box of sticks for my CBEFM. I pulled the darn thing out of the back of the closet yesterday and blew the dust of it. Even though I have a strong hatred for that expensive little beast!!! I think I'm ready to see if this stuff will actually make me ovulate!! How awesome would that be? I would love to do a natural cycle for once. I never even cycle!! So here we go girls!!

I know some of you may think I'm giving up on treatments (TI w/ gonal F) for good. But I'm not! I'm just giving up on doing them for now. I just feel like Mr. Farmer and I are not in a good place emotionally right now to start again. With Mama Farmer's health up in the air and all these animals, and no planting season here upon, we just don't have the energy to add into the mix with the fertility stress. All I want to do right now is try my best on my own to get the lady bits into some sort of natural rhythm.

The In Law's

Since the hubster has been farming till late in the evenings. I have been having to feed the "In Laws" that live in Mama Farmer's barn. They are all quite comical so I thought I would share a few pictures from Mama Farmer's farm.

Today I'm just going to introduce you to the horses. Mama Farmer really does treat these 3 like they are her babies. So I guess Mr. Farmer has 2 "little" brothers and 1 "little" sister... Mama farmer has a heart bigger then the state of Indiana. These horses all had no where else to go. Misty and her daddy Easy came into the family last year. They were half starved, abused and sick. Misty's mother actually died from starvation at the hands of their previous owner. It was terrible!!! Misty hasn't been broken yet. Mama farmer had planned on doing that this summer before we found out about the "Big C" so we might bring in a trainer and take care of breaking her for Mama Farmer. But anyway this is another branch of the family...

p.s. Please forgive the weird shots they are not used to a camera!! Easy didn't like it and Misty and Maverick were really interested in it.

This handsome snout belongs to Maverick. He is Mama Farmer's biggest and oldest Baby! He is actually a Mustang that she adopted through the government 20+ years ago.

The government actually tattoos the mustangs and you can still see it right below his mane. It's the white markings there. I think it says U.S. and a number. He is pretty old so it's not very legible.

And this little turkey is Misty. She is the youngest of the 3 horses. She is just over a year old. She is ornery as hell!! Misty has a good little heart even though she is demanding and quite the Diva!! I guess it doesn't help that she is the only female out of the 3 either.

Misty and Maverick's hind end.

MMMMmmmm Dinner!!!

This is Misty's Papa Easy. Don't be fooled by the name he is NOT easy going at all!! Although he is a stud... So he may be EASY in that department... I just don't know. Maybe one day I can get a nice picture of him up close and personal... He doesn't like the camera.

And this I threw in just for Shits and Giggles!!!

THE END!!!

Farming has begun!

It's spring time here in Indiana and it's beautiful! This gorgeous weather is just what we need. Mr. Farmer is working late every evening and I'm catching up on my ridiculously, cheesy chick flicks. Reading my book from book club and soaking in the tub. I have to tell you I'm learning to enjoy my alone time... It only took 7 years together to get to this point. My mama in law has always enjoyed her quiet nights alone during the seasons. I'm still missing our snuggle time. But soon very soon he will be back home early and we will be watching, Shoot um ups, car racing and blood & gore movies and I will be back snuggling and reading my chick lit...

Mr. Farmer and the farm hands have gotten most of the ground worked. Which in layman's terms means it's been cut into to get the air to it and to chop up all the weeds. Some times we work the ground twice depending on the type of crop that was on it the year before. Hubby won't be planting for at least another week he has just been getting the ground prepared for the seed/seedlings. The following pictures are of one of the fields we will be putting watermelons out in.

The tractor on the right is actually a spreader. It is going to spread a pellet type fertilizer on the plowed ground to get it ready for the watermelon seedlings

It just looks like a bunch of dust but it's actually spraying little pellets out of the booms (the wing looking things)

The fact that it hasn't rained in over a week isn't helping either.

This is Farmer Kid (a friend of Mr. Farmer. He idolizes Mr. F it is so cute!!!) laying rows of plastic he actually rides on this piece of equipment and at the end of each row he hops off and cuts the plastic with a shovel. And throws dirt over the end so it won't blow up from the wind.

Farmer kid riding and drinking... I'm not going to say what it is that he is drinking but I'm sure you can imagine. (Farmer Kid is 21 almost 22)

There are 2 disc type things that throw the dirt on the edge of the plastic to bury it and then the tractor pulls the whole contraption to the end. It's a pretty cool process

This is the front of my 4 wheeler... My house is there yonder.... Yeah I don't really say Yonder
I just thought I would throw that in there. In about a week there will be another funny looking contraption come through and poke a hole every few feet through the plastic. And then a farm hand will set a little watermelon seedling inside. I can't wait to get some pics of that. It's pretty cool operation.

And this... This is a Man who is Outstanding in His Field!!!...

Oh my gosh I just crack myself up!!! I have been meaning to do that for awhile. But I can't ever get Mr. Farmer to co-operate so you get a crappy long distance shot of Mr. Farmer. One day I will have a better one for this title.

Thank You Mrs. Ashley!!

This post is kind of a Thank you note and a PSA all wrapped up in one!

The other day I was writing about maybe looking into a fertility treatment that was a little less invasive then the injectables, with constant monitoring. Where my hubby and I, are at right now in our lives with his mama being sick and having to take care of 2 farms and 2 households full time. It's just to hectic to even begin to think about adding a new cycle into the mix right now. Especially since we are full swing in Planting season. So I thought about seeing another doctor and see what he had to say. But I have to say I chickened out!! I'm just not ready to go into all that again. I think I'm just remembering the hour drive to the dr every morning being hopeful and then the hour back to work crying. Then my whole day being jacked up cause I was chock full of hormones and a ball of nerves waiting to hear back about the results. I guess I'm just too freaking sensitive!!! So I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. But I didn't want to keep wasting time!!

But then Mrs. Ashley over at Infertile Myrtle http://ifashley.blogspot.com/ stopped in and told me about FertilAid and how it helped her ovulate!!! I secretly don't think I have ever ovulated! So I was intrigued! I went to the website: http://www.fairhavenhealth.com/ and there are literally tons of reviews from woman who have PCOS or who were regular but not ovulating. And who after having used it and it they began to ovulate and even become regular! I'm not so much buying it to get pregnant all though that would be awesome!! I would just love to be able to start cycling like a "NORMAL" woman! I have NEVER EVER been regular. I would really like to be able to work with my body to get it on some kind of routine. Right after I read the reviews I thought what the hell! it's not expensive and if I could get my body to give me a period just once with out prometruim it would pay for it self in my opinion! So I ordered a bottle of the supplement and bag of the FertiliTea and a Fertility Candle... Yes Total Cheese I know!! But I'm a sucker for candles and I was on a mission!! Oh and they had free shipping!! So I stocked up!! I was on the site for a long time just reading everything I could.They make formulas for guys and gals! Although we won't be needing the guy formula. It actually just sounds like a SUPER DUPER Vitamin! Here are the facts:

FertiliTea Organic and Wildcrafted Herbal Ingredients:
• Chasteberry (vitex) - stimulates the hormones involved with ovulation and helps restore female hormonal balance. It is used as an herbal treatment for infertility and is especially helpful for women with irregular cycles, failure to ovulate, or a short luteal phase.
• Red raspberry leaf - highly regarded for its ability to tone the uterus and muscles of the pelvic region. A highly nutritive ingredient, red raspberry is a powerful fertility-promoting herb, especially when used in combination with peppermint.
• Green tea - a powerful antioxidant that enhances reproductive health by repairing the oxidative damage that occurs naturally as the result of environmental toxins and aging. Much has been written about the positive correlation between green tea and fertility.
• Ladies mantle - a “tonic” herb that is useful in regulating a woman’s monthly cycle. It also exerts a toning effect on the cervix.
• Nettle leaf – contains a wide spectrum of vitamins and minerals that are critical to good reproductive health, including Vitamins A, C, D, K, potassium, phosphorous, iron, and sulfur; also contains calcium, key for conception and maintaining pregnancy.
• Peppermint leaf – gives FertiliTea a delicious flavor and has the added benefit of serving as a sexual stimulant.

Well for everything I ordered it wasn't expensive at all. And free shipping to boot! So if your wanting to try something different check it out! My order said it had shipped out to day too! So that was nice to know that they work quickly! So now I'm beginning to feel like I'm actually being proactive instead of just waiting... Oh and stop by Infertile Myrtle and give her some Love!!!

Thank You Ashley for being so sweet and sharing that info with me I really appreciate it!! And also to the gals who shared links to other bloggers! I have been checking them all out! Thanks again!!!

Oh and I apologize for my lack of skills on making the links Blog "correct" I couldn't for the life of me get the damn thing to work so I gave up!! I'm soo sorry maybe I will one day figure out the art of making a correct clickable link!!

Love & Hugs

Just call me Oscar...

The Grouch that is!! I don't know what my problem is? The last week or so I have just been terribly grouchy... Poor Mr. Farmer!! I wish I knew when My Auntie would show her ugly face! Having PCOS sucks donkey balls!! I can't ever blame my bad moods or crying jags on PMS. Because I never have a freaking period!!! Now I can feel myself getting grouchier as I type this all out! I apologize for that. But my goodness What the hell is wrong with me?

Oh and Sunday was freaking fantastic!!! Mr. Farmer's Uncle asked if we had anything we would like to announce... I said like what? (Knowing full well what he meant!) And Mr. Farmer said yes I've got something to announce: We are heading home! Ha -Ha Ha-Ha! Then Uncle Farmer said NO!! I mean when are we going to hear an announcement about you 2 FINALLY having a baby? We need another baby in this family!! I'm beginning to think you all don't know how to do it!! Maybe we need to have some classes!!! Then Mr. Farmer's grandmother jumped up on the bandwagon. She starts saying how I've got to be the one to have the twins in the family! Because every generation has a set of twins... I didn't have the patience or the guts to explain to Mr. Farmer's Grandmother that Mr. Farmer's family twin gene won't get passed on though him... So after about 10 minutes of crude jokes about learning how to "do it" we made it out of there. The sides of my cheeks are still hurting from having to bite them so hard to keep from speaking my mind!! That I guess may be part of the reason why I'm still grouchy! Why do nosy family members feel the need to throw it in your face that you have yet to produce an "heir?"

Oh lord I'm so thankful that the holidays are over for now. I hope everyone had a peaceful and restful Holiday. Easter was so beautiful this year!!! (The Weather not the family gatherings!!:)

I think I'm gearing myself up for trying a different route of Infertility treatment. I'm not sure though if it will help a woman with PCOS. I have heard about this amazing OB/GYN in town not too far from where we live. I will give you all a link and see if you can fill me in.

I was raised Catholic in a VERY Religious family. But as of late I have become a lapsed Catholic... I have had a hard time with the teachings of The Church on Infertility treatments. My mother's entire family is VERY fertile so they practice The Creighton Method for family planning.

So today I was so down in the dumps and blue about not being able to do another cycle until our family life clams down. I find myself searching on Google and low and behold I found catholicinfertility.org

I'm not sure what made me follow that site to this link:
Fertilitycare.org

I thought it was all very interesting. But what do you think? I have to say I am interested in at least speaking to a Dr. who deals with the NaProTECHNOLOGY. But do you think that it's all it's cracked up to be? Or is it just another smoke and mirror ploy? I don't know if I want to start all over again with a new doctor and a new office. But I will admit I'm having some mixed emotions about going the IVF route. It's not because of growing up Catholic. I think I'm just worried about the tremendous amount of stress, money and emotion going into it. But I feel comfortable with IUI's those don't seem as foreboding to me for some strange reason. But there isn't hardly anything on the above site about PCOS so I guess I would really need to get more info before I proceed. But do you all think I'm wasting my time trying another venture? Or should I just stick with the tried and true?

Drumroll Please....

Yippee Skippy!!! It's DONE!!! Oh my goodness!! Please take a look around! Is this not sooooooooooooooo much better than before? You all really have to have Mary at Bright Sunshine Designs trick your blog out! I am so impressed with what she has done! She's gone above and beyond my wildest dreams! I never would have pictured all this. I'm so happy!! She has gotten my personality trapped in the cyber world!! It was such an easy and fun experience. I told her about me. My likes, dislikes, what kind of feel I was going for and what I do in my day to day life… And of course what I blog about. And Mary built my page around me and my life! How cool is that? It was so amazing to have someone make something this amazing without ever meeting me face to face! She is gifted! She worked tediously on some random ideas that I had and she Focused on the smallest of details... Mary is an artist and I hope you all would just stop in and chat with her to see what kind of ideas she can come up with for you and your space. You won't regret at all!!