Fertility Friend, is not my friend!!

Well just so you all know my temps are dropping again. It was 96.8 this am. So there went my last ditch effort for this cycle to be "the one." Surprisingly I'm okay with it. I have learned not to get too hopeful through this whole sucky process. But it does sting a little. But I'm excited that I get to use the drugs in my fridge. Which were so lovingly donated by another infertile women. Who actually got pregnant on a break!! I am happy that I have learned so much about my body through this whole dang adventure. So here we go on to the countdown to CD35!!! Unless by some strange reason I get Auntie Flow on my own before then... Which I highly doubt will happen naturally now. So today is actually CD26 so we are sooo close to starting inject ables!!!! Oh and have I said lately that IF is a BITCH?!!!

Have a freaking fantabulous day!!!

Danielle Steel

Dear, Ms. Steel
I would like to tell you how much I have enjoyed your books over the last several years. Your books have become a secret little pleasure of mine that I don't get to indulge that often. Although this last time I visited the book store I saw a new title I hadn't read yet. So I tossed your book into my bag and waited patiently to get time to fit this new book into my schedule. I have always used your books as somewhat of an escape from my reality. I fell in love with the heroine as I always tend to do with your well written characters. She seemed like such a wonderful individual. Someone I would like to know in real life. But then out of nowhere you slammed me up against a wall. The wall that is my reality. You knocked the breath right out of this infertile crazy women. Your beloved character gets raped and instantly gets pregnant with the bastard's child!! Where in the synopsis did it tell us that this would happen? You do realize how this would be quite gut wrenching to read for someone who can't seem to get pregnant in the most perfect of circumstances. Yet a young women who is practically starving, working 18+ hours of hard labor in the middle of a world war, she never sleeps, and is obviously in a high stress situation can suddenly get pregnant when she has been raped! I know it would have probably not been good to give away too much information on the jacket. But it would have been nice to have had a heads up on this book. Just a sticker on the front cover would have been nice. Warning: Dangerous waters ahead if you are in infertile!!! Please Please Please could you just write deliriously happy books or books about sex and romance and not bring up children, pregnancy or babies at all!!!I will still try to muddle through this book no matter how hard it is to believe just because I can't leave a book unread. Oh and Thank you for reminding me I'm an infertile as i don't seem to get reminded enough through out my day.
I remain a faithful fan, although quite perturbed by this experience.
Mrs. Farmer

Side note: I do not want to offend anyone. I do know that women have gotten pregnant by rape and its a terrible travesty. But it was just a shock to read this. And I am in no way making fun of rape or rape victims.

Private confession From an Infertile Mad Woman...

I don't want to jump the gun but I am an infertile, crazy women who gets freaked out by the littlest things!!! So I thought I would let you all in on the crazy little hope that I'm hoping for today. I won't find out until tomorrow. But today I can live in this moment. I have been faithfully using fertility friend for a long freaking time now. And this cycle is looking pretty good. Actually it looks freaking fantabulous!!! So tomorrow morning if my temp goes up I will know whether or not my body does what every other women seems to be able to do with out even batting an eye. OVULATE!!! I cheated just a tad and typed in tomorrows temp of 97.2 just to see if I could get some cross hairs and I did. It was the most beautiful thing in the world!! Besides maybe an ultrasound... But I'm getting way ahead of myself. I want cross hairs so freaking bad its not even funny. I want to see my self have a "normal" cycle. Just once!!! I'm to the point that I don't even care if I get pregnant this cycle which it would be freaking awesome if I did. But I know that I will have my self all juiced up this coming cycle that I don't see how I couldn't get knocked up. I just want to know that my body does know what to do. And can do it on occasion. Just when she feels like it... So please pray with me that my temp goes up and I can actually confirm an ovulation. That's all I really want this cycle. I know getting pregnant would be the greatest thing in the whole freaking world!! But I'm not going to go wishing for the moon. But please Lord just let me see some cross hairs that stay put!! And don't vanish or go dashed the next few days. I really want to have just 1 real cycle!!! Oh just so you know I do realize that I would have already ovulated by now but I just want to see it on a computer screen! Just so I can shout at the top of my lungs that: YES!!! I CAN OVULATE!!!!

Welcom ICLWers!!!!

I just wanted to say Hello to all the new people stopping by. I will give you a tad bit of background.

I'm married to a farmer we live in the heartland of America. We have been married almost 3 years. We are trying although so far unsuccessfully to add to our family. So far we have only ended up with 3 furkids. 2 dogs and 1 cat. I have PCOS and haven't had a period on my own in AGES!!! So at the end of this cycle. If I can start on my own (please cross your fingers and pray to God!!!) we will be starting our 1st medicated cycle. If I don't start on my own I will wait till CD35 and test to make sure I didn't have a miracle happen. And then I will get the dreaded progesterone and to have Aunt Flow stop in for a visit. After that I will start on Gonal F and Ovidrel for Trigger. So far I'm only on CD21 so in a few weeks I will be so full of hormones no one will want to be around me!!! That's all I've got.

I blog about farming and my family and stupid little things I love to take pictures but I'm no photographer. One of these days I hope to take a couple classes just for fun. I love to read also. I have just joined a book club that's just begun in my home town. And our 2nd book has just been phenomenal. (I picked this one!!!) It's spooky and dark and has a ton of secrets and mystery to it. I highly recommend this book to everyone. I had to start reading something other then infertility/fertility material. Or I was going to go crazy if I didn't. So this has helped get me out of this whole infertility bubble.
The book I just finished and have been referring to is: The Thirteenth Tale By: Diane Setterfield.

Go get it!! Oh and it's a perfect read for October!!!

Thanks for stopping by!!!

Pictures from last weekend

Yes I'm bored to tears here at work today!! Its raining and nasty cold outside so I thought I would finally post the pictures from last weekend.

My Hubby was working and I was "HELPING" of course I'm sure he would use this term loosely. But I will have to say I try to help :) I mostly take lots of pictures and make him and and his papa laugh. Oh and I'm very good at asking dumb questions too. So here goes I'm posting some yummy sunny working down at the old barn pictures. I have never in my life posted this many pics in a post but bear with me. They are all connected.




These little yellow bead looking things are called soy beans. They are being swept up from the bottom of a grain bin. And yes that is all dust and it is from the soy beans!!



This is what they call an auger it carries the grain to and from different sources. In this case it was out of the grain bin into a waiting truck.



This is one of my favorite warning labels of all time!!! Look closely!! This is a very dangerous piece of equipment but it still makes me laugh when I see the little cartoon label. I guess I'm just morbid that way...



My hubby is inside of the grain bin running the sweeper!! Yes that is a sweeper!! It is terribly dusty inside of these bins. I don't know if you can tell or not but he does have a mask on.




My papa in law making sure the truck isn't getting too full. Which was supposed to be my job but he kept sneaking in behind my back and climbing the ladder. Hubbs didn't want his dad falling off the ladder. But I guess its okay for me to!!! :)




This is that scary dusty grain bin my hubby was in.



Now we are unloading a truck from the field that had just gotten cut. So its going into the grain bin.


Soy Beans!!! MMMmmmm Lots and Lots of Soy Beans!!!!



This is the reason I can't get pregnant!! My ovaries seize up and then run and hide under my rib cage when I see things like this!!!!



They are still seizing!!!



O Lord please help my poor ovaries!!! I can't stand to look but I have to!!!



O Dear Lord in Heaven!!! I think my ovaries are having a panic attack now!!!!



I can't take it anymore I'm going to go home and eat chocolate. This is too stressful!!!

Stuff... (Sorry thats the best title I could come up with this morning)

Well I have gotten a couple awards and I promise I will get to them as soon as I can. It takes me a little while to figure all this technology out. And making clicky links is really new to me. So Bear with me!!!! I promise I will get to them!!

I haven't had a chance to put up a farming post because frankly we have been toO busy farming... Imagine!!! But while I was helping out I took tons of pics so I promise to post them too!!!

Now on to the nitty gritty!!! My RE's office called and said that the HSG was clear my tubes look great!! The radiologist didn't seem to see anything that concerned him. Not even that floating ovary way up in my rib cage!! Well maybe I'm exaggerating a little! I don't think it was as high as all that but it sure looked funny floating away just tethered to my lady bits by a little tube. It reminded me of a astronaut floating in space with only that tube or life line thingy keeping him from floating away.

So she asked if we were going to begin a medicated cycle next? And I said yes that's our plan and she said we would need to do blood work and an ultrasound of course at the start of my next cycle then we would order the meds and then we would be ready to roll!! Of course that would be after I took a pregnancy test that was positive... I'm flabbergasted!! I can't believe were here. I had kind of thought in the back of my head. That suddenly at the last possible minute before I would have to say yes to all these tests and procedure that a miracle would happen!! And I would just miraculously end up pregnant... Yes I know I'm a big dreamer!!! But a girl can always dream right? I know they told me its not like it will happen naturally for me but I guess I just was holding on to that last little glimmer of hope. Even last night I was telling hubby we should step it up a notch cause this is our last ditch effort before the meds. And he being the red blooded man that he is. And it probably didn't help that I have plumb wore that boy out!!! Since last Saturday... He asked a simple Why? And I of course got all defensive and said well didn't you hear the nurse practitioner say it is possible to get KU after an HSG. I think he felt guilty about being a little calloused. He tried to make it up to me by tyring to work again on my little project ;) But then I felt guilty for not letting him rest. So I gave him a night off. I know down deep its not going to happen this way. I have even been using the OPK's this week and I know they aren't going to help me either so I just finally have to say I GIVE UP!!!! I will do it the Doctor's way!!!

So yes this week has been a tad bit difficult to bear. A guy here at work just had a new baby. He has been complaining about the lack of visitors at the hospital (swine flu epidemic in Indiana so just 2 visitors over the age of 25 per room) And then he was complaining about her (his wife) being grouchy and I'm just not in the mood to hear all this about how rough he has it having a new born at home that isn't sleeping through the night. He is the worst example of a father/husband anyway but that just has made it ten times worse for me. But luckily he is gone this afternoon.

And maybe if I don't get to busy I can throw some pics on here from this past weekend... Keep your fingers crossed!!

Check this out!!!!

I just had to share this. Its so fascinating!! Please check it out!!!

Ovulation moment caught on camera

I can't believe they were able to catch this! Its soo cool!!!!

Love & Hugs
To you all!!!
Mrs. Farmer

The rest of the story...

I'm much better today. I was pretty sore and achy after the HSG but that to me was more like the whole period cramping feeling like crap stuff. But I actually think I was achy and sore because I had tensed up so much during the procedure. But that's just my opinion. Now on to the good stuff!!! This is going to be a long one too!! I apologize!!

Like I said the weather was freaking TERRIBLE!! And there is nothing more depressing then a cold, rainy and nasty day. But add an HSG to your schedule and your day has gone to pot before you have even begun. So I get out of the clinic and call my hubbs and my voice is still trembling cause I was still kind of in shock over Dr. GQ and his torture chamber! So Hubby could tell I was hurting. So he asked me what the doc said and if he thought I was ok etc. And I said that he gave me the all clear!! So Hubbs was happy and we talked for a few more minutes but he had to go cause he was hauling grain. So I told him I was going to run to my Aunt A.'s (my mother's little sister) house and visit with her for a bit and then if I feel better I might just get some shopping done. The town where my RE's office is at, is "The Big City" it's an hour away from our home and it has 2 Malls!!! And I never ever get to shop anymore so I was going to have to will myself to feel better so I could go and shop!!

So I'm pulling out of the hospital parking lot and I start dialing what I thought was my aunt's telephone number and come to find out it wasn't!! Lord a mercy was I shocked when my Grandmother picked up!! This is my mom's mother. And at this point in time there has been a lot of bad blood going on in my mother's family. My mother has a huge family and her brothers are all farmers and they got into a big fight with my mom, her 2 sisters and 1 of her brothers and the farm and business ended up getting split up. Well my mom's mother sided with my mother's brothers. And hasn't spoken to my mom since it happened. I actually had only seen my Grandmother once since this all took place and it was at Christmas Last year. So here out of the clear blue sky I accidentally call my Grandmother who of course is at home!! (Where else would an 82 year old woman be at on a nasty ass day?) And she was all surprised when I called of course!! And I know I sounded shocked as shit when she answered. I wish I could have had it recorded because I was soo stunned that she was answering my aunt's phone... Then I put 2 & 2 together and realized I had fu$ked up and so I was like Hey grandma I'm in the area do you mind if I stop in to see you? She was shocked and was a little confuzzeled and said: yes,... uh... okay, I think that should be fine. She wanted to know what I was down here for and of course I told her I was here for a doc appt. And I hung up and thought oh shit what are we going to talk about?! My family doesn't see each other I haven't seen her in almost a year!! But I need to see her she is getting older and isn't in good health maybe its meant to be that I stop in and see her. So I had to get my story straight in my head. I thought if I tell her I'm meeting a friend for lunch at 12:30 that way I won't have to stay too long and at this point its already after 11:00 so I drive over to her house which is less then 5 min from Dr GQ's torture chamber. And I run in and we talk small talk for a little while avoiding all subjects that would involve talking about my mother (Whom I don't really get along with) and my uncles whom my grandmother sided with so she then asks what I was getting done. She had thought I had all my docs in my new home town now. And then I thought you know I'm just going to bite the bullet and tell a little of this to my grandmother. I really have no women in my life to talk about this to (Except my bloggy girls.) So I break down and say we have been going to a fertility specialist. To find out why we haven't been able to get pregnant. And she was actually interested!! She asked me questions then asked me what I did today and I said I had a procedure done. She could tell I wasn't feeling well. I told her how they told me it would be a glorified pap smear... yada yada!! Then she said oh yeah right kind of like the mammogram that we women have to have!! She says that it must have been a man that invented all these damn tests!!! I would like to put his balls in that damn mammogram machine and I bet after that torture they would find a better way to check for cancer!! She said if there wasn't anything wrong with your tits before you got there, there's something wrong with them now!! She cracks me up when I talk to her. We had a good convo. I didn't tell her everything. My grandmother was super fertile she had a couple miscarriages though and 1 stillborn. So I guess she understands a little I mean I would rather be in my situation and not be able to get pregnant. Then being able to get pregnant and not be able to carry it to term... I thought about that for awhile and then realized it was getting close to 12:15 and I wasn't in as much pain and I had mentioned that I was meeting a friend for lunch so I kissed her goodbye and she told me good luck and that she would pray for me... I think I needed that even though I didn't think I would ever be close to my grandma again it was good for us both...

But the day still isn't over yet...

So I start driving down the strip and I know that I'm not hungry so I thought I will run to Barnes and Noble cause I never get to go there anymore unless I'm down here in "The Big City" and maybe by the time I get out of there I will be hungry. So I run in there and once I'm in B&N I could be lost in there for hours. I LOVE books so I pick up some books for me and then look in the children's dept for my nephews and before I know it I have an arm load of stuff. So I head down stairs. I'm starting to get hungry. As I'm going down the escalator I notice the display of the 70th anniversary of the Wizard of Oz!! My dad's baby sister N. is a huge fan of the Wizard of Oz and so I walk over and look at the table and I instantly think of her and her daughter S. because her daughter S. collects all things Wizard of Oz. Then I walk away from the table and I hear a women call my name. I turn around and its my Aunt N.!!! She lives about 8 minutes from my house in poe dunk Indiana and we both happen to be at B&N in "The Big City" on a week day. When we both work!! WTH? So I run over and I give her a hug. This Aunt was my shoulder to cry on during the preparation for my wedding. She helped me so much back then. And she was so surprised to see me as I was her. And she asked what are you doing down her? I said well I had a dr. appt. And then she raised an eyebrow and said aren't all your docs back home? And I said well I'm seeing a specialist. And then I could tell she got the drift then she asked me who I was seeing? And I told her Dr. B he is really good. And she said well you know that your Aunt D. (Another aunt on my dad's side by marriage) and I went to Dr. G. to get pregnant. I said well I kind of remember hearing little bits but I was a teenager and that all didn't register back then. And she then asked what I had done today. And I told her I had an HSG. And she said OMG!!! And your shopping? Are you crazy?!!! She told me hers had been soo painful! She just laid on the couch all weekend. I said yes it was terrible but I wanted to try and do some shopping while I was down her. Then she asked if I had eaten and I said no I had actually lied to my grandma and I told her I was meeting a friend for lunch!! And she said well I don't want you to lie to her!! So lets go eat! She took me to this great little Cafe that was dead!! It was quiet and cozy. And so we sat down and started talking about all of the trouble she had gone though to get my cousin S. My Aunt N. was 40 when she finally got pregnant. (She is 50 now) I knew back then that it was a big deal. But nobody in my family talks about infertility and so I never asked what her and my other aunt's infertility issues were. It always seems like the wrong place and time to bring it up. So I never did. Come to find out my Aunt N. has the same thing I have, PCOS! And she had to also have a cyst removed by surgery. But it was just soo amazing to sit down and talk to someone in my family about all this. I felt somewhat isolated because on both sides every body has babies and its just a given that your going to have them too. And when we weren't they all started bombarding us with the: "Your not getting any younger" or "Don't you want kids?" And we would always play it off. But it was soo hard!! My Aunt N and I talked about all the treatments she went through and the treatments that my other Aunt went though. It was amazing to hear it from someone else. I don't know why but I think I really needed all that on Thursday. It helped with the whole processing of emotions. I mean what are the odds that I would find the only blood relative that I have that has dealt with infertility in a city that big on her afternoon off. And who just happened to have time to spend the rest of the day talking about her wonky ovaries? And how similar our paths were but yet we never knew till that afternoon. I know this probably doesn't sound as wild to you as it does to me but I believe that everything happens for a reason and my bumping into my Aunt N. on that day wasn't a coincidence. I was finally able to sit down and talk to someone just like I would with my mom if my mom wasn't freaking nuts. My Aunt N. helped me with my wedding because my mom was going berserk and then after all that quieted down my Aunt and I hadn't really gotten to talk or catch up or anything. She knew that we must have been struggling because she knew how much I loved children. But she never saw a good opportunity to bring up the infertility conversation with me. And she knows how hard it is for me to not have a mother that I can talk too. I have a mom but my mother is very judgemental and believes that one of the reasons why the farmer and I haven't gotten pregnant is because of the sinful lives we have led... And the fact that I don't go to church anymore. My mother is the ultimate holy roller. I haven't really seen too many that could out do her. So because she believes the way she does. She also doesn't think that children that are conceived say through IUI or IVF or some other method other then "the marital bed" that they won't have a soul. Which I whole heartily disagree with!!!! So I just don't tell my mother ANYTHING!! I don't want her telling people my babies don't have a soul. But I still wish sometimes that I could talk to a woman about the pain of a procedure or the hopes that I have or the dreams or fears of all this. Because it is really hard to talk about some of this stuff with my hubby. But like I said I truly think God knew I needed my Aunt N. and he sent her and we had a beautiful afternoon talking about everything involved in this infertility journey. It was 5:30 when we left the Cafe. I didn't do any more shopping that night. Because I was to excited to tell Farmer everything that had happened.

That's it there ain't no more I hope you didn't fall asleep!! :)
Oh and from here on out I promise not to write this long of a post! I just had too many back stories to catch you all up on.

The Morning After...

O Lordy!! Well the first thing I want to say is: that I want to hunt down the man who created the Hystrosalpingogram and lay him on his side on a gravel road. Then run my Ford Expedition over his Mr. Winky about 4 or 5 times and that MIGHT come close to the pain I experienced!! I have never in my life been lied to like that. Mild Cramping? Oh HELL NO!!! I don't know if I'm just the biggest baby on all creation but I tell you I was crying!!

My day started out raining like crazy!! It poured the whole way to the radiologist. The office is an hour away so it was kind of nasty and lonely cause hubbs wasn't able to go with me. And I was under the impression that it was going to be a piece of cake with slight cramping and so I had grand plans of going shopping in the big city on my own with out hubbs. So I get to the office in plenty of time to get checked in and watch a little of the Today Show. Not that I could tell you anything they were even talking about. But I sat there. The whole way down I had prayed that I would get a women radiologist or at the very least an older man... I still have not had to show my junk to a male doctor and I think at least point I'm starting to get a complex about having to show my vag willy nilly.... Yes I know I shouldn't be a prude and if you met me you would find out that in every other facet of my life I am not a prude!! But when it comes to having people scoping out my lady bits I have always preferred to have a female. So when I had my consult with the RE I had made myself all nervous about showing the prudish vag to him but I was getting prepared and got it set in my mind that I was going to do it. But then he never checked her out!!! So her she was all prepared for nothing!!! So I fell back into my old ways of being a prude and was worried all about it. And then a lady came and called me and she was SOOOOO sweet!! She took me to the back and we sat down and she went over the whole procedure (she left out the minor little detail of the freight train exploding through my uterus and having to try and turn while it did so) And we chatted and I signed some papers. She told me that its just a glorified pad smear and she said the Doctor who performs the procedure is just AWESOME!! He really is!! (Did you see that? Yes she said HE!!!) And then I know the panic really set in. I then thought I better tell her that my favorite Aunt still hasn't completely gotten her things packed up to leave yet. And she said that it shouldn't be a problem. I told her how embarrassing that was for me. And she said it does happen pretty frequently and not to worry. She then led me to a dressing room and she gave me the gown and I came out and she had me hop up on the table. But they didn't have any stirupps which was odd. I thought if they are doing this procedure wouldn't it help them with getting in there... So she told me I would need to scoot all the way down to the edge and curl my toes over the end of the table... How terrible is that? Okay I thought whatever!! Then she said for the time being just stretch out and relax for now and I will return with the doctor. I'm still praying that I get the twin of Doctor Spook or something Any man over the age of 55 would be nice. And I'm still praying I hear the door open and the lovely little nurse says Mrs. Farmer this is Dr. H!! Oh Holy Lord in Heaven I almost fell off the table!!! I think she must have ran down to the GQ casting call and pulled him out of line!! It was like meeting Adonis! He was BEAUTIFUL!!!! And in a totally manly way too!! And now I thought for sure that I was going to die from embarrassment! Can I just pull this sheet over my head for the rest of this? But no we had to make SMALL TALK!! Then the doc is prepping and he looks at his tools and asks the nurse why she has the pediatric speculum out? I was totally confused! Then she said well I thought it would be easier on her... Then he said no I want to us the bigger one. Which then of course now I'm nervous and when I'm nervous I start acting stupid and I said hey doc what a way to make a girl feel comfortable!! Tell her you need a bigger speculum!! Wow that's priceless!! And he I think got embarrassed and said no I wasn't meaning your big. I just thought it would be harder on you cause we will have to clamp down a lot harder... And he didn't finish then he said actually the one I'm going to use is a medium speculum. Then I said I guess that makes me feel a little better!! I have never been a medium my entire life!! And then he and the nurse chuckled. But then it was time to introduce Dr. GQ to Ms Vag and I was at this point in full blown panic mode. And he was being gentle and cute and I was wishing I was any where but here and then it said your going to feel some slight pressure... (Bull shit it felt like he stuffed his fist in there with a grocery sack of broken glass!!) This is from the balloon. (WTH a balloon!! Nobody told me any thing about a balloon!! And then he said your going to feel some slight cramping!!! (Minor is what I had heard before, now your telling me slight cramping?!! I'm starting to think I came to a Sadistic Radiology Clinic) So the pain was freaking terrible and then while your writhing in agony they want you to roll over on each side and hold it so they can take a picture!!! Dear Lord I was in so much pain and they were being nice I do have to say. But it was NOTHING!!! Like I had expected. Dr. GQ was actually very nice once it was all over I was almost light headed from all the pain but he wanted to make sure I was alright. And then he showed me the pics and told me I looked all clear. It flowed all the way through. I do have a ovary floating waaay up in no mans land i didn't know they could do that. My left ovary is sitting right where its supposed to and my Right is floating around like a boob er on a fishing pole. It looked kind of weird but he said its normal. And he said I did good and wished me luck and walked out. And then the nurse helped me up she said I know this is going to sound gross but you might want to put your sheet between your legs when you get up... As you can only imagine there is all kinds of nastiness that will arrive as you rise and are up and about the rest of the day. I did it!! I survived and all I had to do was clean up and get the hell out!!

Public Service Announcement:
Please please please if you have to have one of these done ask your doctor for a prescription for some sort of pain medicine!! Even if you aren't a baby like me I would have rather been over medicated then under medicated. I was told to take 600mg of Advil. I took 800mg cause I'm a baby...

Oh and pack your personal preference of feminine protection also. They have that yucky hospital stuff but I wouldn't want to have to get stuck with that riding around in my pants till I got home.

I will need to tell you all the rest of the story tomorrow Because the day got pretty weird after I left the radioloigist. It's super weird but awesome all at the same time.

Panic Mode!!

Yes today is the day!! I have to go in for my HSG and I'm a tad bit nervous about it. I know I have been told not to worry about it. I have also been told that it’s not too painful. I have heard that the most pain you will be in is from the shot they give your cervix... But I soo nervous and I can't help it!! This is actually the first procedure I have had done regarding infertility. I have had several vag ultrasounds before but nothing besides that. So here we go!!! I'm going to be stepping into the unknown in a few hours. PRAY FOR ME!!!!

I tried to get this written yesterday but I have been so busy at work. Which is a geat thing!! Keeps my mind occupied but I wasn't able to tell all of you what was going on. So anyhoo please think of me today. Oh and one of the biggest reasons I'm so freaking nervous is that my Bloody Aunt Flow still hasn't freaking left town yet!!! Its not as bad as it was the other day but she is still hanging around and I know I'm going to be mortified in a few hours!!! So here we go....

If any of you were wondering?.... (TMI warning)

My Gift arrived from mother nature yesterday morning while I was at work! I have never wanted to scream and cry about something like that before! But I tried to keep my composure and but then I did a little happy dance in the ladies bathroom. And then while dancing I started to cry because it has been such a freaking long time! I have FINALLY started a new cycle!!! I can quite taping pages to my more the 3 foot long cycle. I actually have a game plane!! I'm going to beat this thing and I'm not going to be defeated!! I had a freaking period!!!!! How freaking awesome is that? (How many more times can I write freaking?) Well last night it wasn't so awesome... I was in major agony but oh such sweet agony!! I happily laid on my sofa with my feet up and a heating pad and my box of Godiva chocolates and I knew that I deserved it. This has been a very different period then anything I have ever had. I feel absolutely terrible. I'm wondering if its because he has me on an aspirin regimen. It is pretty bad. I have almost all our bedding in the tub soaking. It looked like my husband murdered me last night! I was told by the RE that I wasn't building lining upon lining! But I really don't know where all this "gift" is coming from... Too many more days like this and my hubs will be able to collect on the life insurance policy. I didn't know I could lose this much blood and still be alive... Not that I feel alive right now. I actually feel like death warmed over. But it may just be because my body isn't used to going though this and I'm just a freaking big baby!!! But don't get my wrong I'm not complaining about all this. I actually laughed when I saw the sheets this morning!! It reminded me of that old movie Carrie for some odd reason. It was quite comical. Not so much now that I'm having trouble getting the stains out of my beautiful Ivory Egyptian cotton sheets. But that serves me right for only liking light colored sheets... I am truly laughing at myself!!! One of these days I will learn!! Until then does any one have any good tricks at getting stains out of Ivory cotton?

My 1st award!!!!

Rules
1. You Can Only Use One Word!
2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have Fun!

The Fun Part

1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2. Your hair? Brown
3. Your mother? Cold
4. Your father? Confused
5. Your favorite food? Italian
6. Your dream last night? Weird
7. Your favorite drink? Water
8. Your dream/goal? Mom
9. What room are you in? office
10. Your hobby? Blogging!!
11. Your fear? Snakes
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Home
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. Something that you aren’t? pregnant
15. Muffins? banana
16. Wish list item? laptop
17. Where did you grow up? Indiana
18. Last thing you did? type
19. What are you wearing? clothes
20. Your TV? satellite
21. Your pets? pissy missy
22. Friends? Few
23. Your life? crazy
24. Your mood? Happy
25. Missing someone? Brother
26. Vehicle? Mustang
27. Something you’re not wearing? necklace
28. Your favorite store? antique
29. Your favorite color? red
30. When was the last time you laughed? 5 min
31. Last time you cried? Wednesday
32. Your best friend? Mr. Farmer
33. One place that I go to over and over? work
34. One person who emails me regularly? Robbi
35. Favorite place to eat? Los Aztecas

Recipients
1- Marla'z Austin Journey
2- Life Happen's When your Making other plans
3- Infertility Instability
4- Circus Children
5- PCOS SOS
6- Raining Raining

Don't forget to pass it on!