Playing Catch Up

My heart is not in this post as I have had to RE WRITE IT!! Because Blogger is such a freaking loser! I do apologize.


We survived the 4th. The party went very well. Other then the fact that it was a FURNACE outside. We had a great time! Hubbs bought WAAAAAY to many fireworks and they were so beautiful. I wished I would have taken some pictures. I wanted to kick myself when I realized I never thought about pulling my camera out!! Hubbs and I were sitting on the steps after everyone had left, discussing how great it went, when I remembered. I'm such an idiot. But we had a TON of food! And a crazy amount of relatives! And no cat fights broke out! That's a plus! The in laws all got along great with each other. I haven't had a party with both sides of our family before. So that was interesting. My mom came over the day before the party to help me recover my patio cushions because they looked terrible. I took a couple pics of them. I'm so proud of our work. My mom and I each had a bolt of outdoor fabric gathering dust in our basements. So we did reversible covers. They turned out better then I expected. The Hubbs and I have been wanting to add on to the back of the house with an additional patio/deck with a hot tub and another entry way into the house but we haven't done it yet. And I knew that if I bought a new patio table and chairs now they may not work with the new patio. So we thought we should hold off on buying a new table until we built the new patio. But I'm actually quite impressed at how well they turned out. And how much time my mother and I actually spent in my kitchen together with out killing each other!!! :)

There was also one more little thing I had to get taken care of before the party. Maggie (Large fuzzy Mutt) and Buddy (St. Bernard) our sweet little pupps are Nervous Nellies when it comes to people. They REALLY don't like people on their property!! And my puppies being the size that they are can be quite LOUD and down right scary for guests when they come to our home. So I got the bright idea of calling the vet for something "to take the edge off." My hubbs wasn't too keen on the idea when I brought it up to him several weeks ago. He thought it might hurt our poor little puppies. And I told him it causes them more harm to let them bark all night trying to "defend us" then letting them chill out on some good drugs. But Mr. Farmer never said ok or no. So my being the resourceful wifey that I am I took that as my cue to do what I thought best!!! I went to the vet on Friday morning and picked up the "goods." I was feeling okay about it. I knew I was doing them a favor. I was just going to keep telling myself that. That's how I will get though this. So I toss the pills in the bottom of my purse not really wanting the Hubbs to discover what I'm plotting for our (fur) kids. If he finds them then he will know what I'm going to do, if not then he wasn't "meant" to know about it!! (Yes I know I'm a sick individual) So Saturday comes and goes Sunday morning rolls around Mr. Farmer is getting everything ready. And then the afternoon ticks by and he has to run down and feed the horses , chickens etc. And I know it's NOW or never!! If I don't give them the "Happy Pills" now I won't get a chance to give the pills once he's back. I rummaged through the fridge looking for some meat of some sort. I tabulate the weight (Or really guesstimate it in my head) and divide the pills accordingly. And then the GUILT!! Oh man she slams in the chest! She comes back up again and slaps me in the face! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!! You are drugging your (fur)Kids!! Why would you do such a horrible thing?! And then I tell that ole bitch guilt to F*%k off I have a party to get ready for! I carry they turkey and chill pill sandwich out to my babies whom I love more then anything and they come running to me! They look up at me and cock there pretty little heads at me and sit very still waiting for a "Treat" from there momma. And that Damn Guilt comes around again!! What the Hell am I thinking?! They are so cute!! And defenseless!! Wouldn't everyone in my family love to have Buddy's slobber rubbed on their legs. And his hot stinky breath in their face as he is barking like Cujo at them? And then I shake my head and SAY NO! Nobody likes a barking dog!! NOBODY! Give them the "Happy Sandwich" and deal with it!! At this point I'm about in tears thinking how terrible I am for wanting to drug my dogs just for a party!! But I know their Daddy will be back soon and it's got to be done or we won't have any peace at all tonight! So I slowly hand them there sandwiches and they happily chomp them down and pat me on the leg. And Buddy rubs some drool all over the outside of my leg and as it dribbles down to my flip flop and then I realize I have done the right thing.... Flash forward 2 hours. My sister in Law and her kids arrive And Maggie and Buddy were both laying comfortably on the floor. In fact TOO COMFORTABLY! They didn't even get up and bark when the truck drove in. That is some GOOD SHIT!! In fact Buddy laid under the table and looked like he had just put away 2 gallons of Jack Daniels!! His eyes were so droopy. Holy Cow I've killed my dogs! Maggie was able to get up and walk over to Mr. Farmer but she walked right past him... I'm thinking she must have been seeing double. She found him eventually. Mr. Farmer bent down and asked her if she was feeling bad... She wagged her tail slowly and he said maybe it's the heat!! Of course it was the heat! They are very furry babies and it's 100 degrees out. Yes it's the heat!!! It only took us 5 minutes to get them to walk 20 feet. We put them in their pen and they slept peacefully all evening. The guilt had jumped on to my back and I carried her around all night. My dad actually came up and asked me what was wrong with the dogs and I had to tell him the truth. And he laughed and said I think you gave Bud a little too much!! Then I laughed. And he told me it was better for them to sleep then to be so stressed out. It made me feel a little better to hear my dad tell me that. But I knew Mr. Farmer was worrying about the kids and I had to tell him. So before the fireworks began I told him. He wasn't mad he actually said he thought it was better for Maggs this way cause she gets soooo worked up. But oh jee whiz was it funny watching "drunk" dogs stumbling around.

Overall the party went well considering the merging of the clans and the drugging of the canines. We have had plenty of parties in the past just for one side or the other. Not both together! We had quite a few bodies at her house and a couple of little hooligans running wild. My sister in law (the one who "planned" our party) has 3 kiddos, a 13 year old girl and 2 boys aged 9 and 6. The boys can really make a party interesting! :) They behaved pretty well through dinner. But once they found the Mt Dew, they were wired for sound. These boys are actually pretty funny, but can wear you ragged pretty quickly! So the whole fam damily were sitting out back waiting for the sun to set when the boys began setting off bottle rockets, snakes, and stink bombs. (All under parental supervision of course) But being the stinky, sugar crazed, dirty faced boys they are. They were screaming and hollering and just being down right annoying while they were setting off the noise makers. My mother and father I think were a little shocked by all the ruckus and the lack of control on my sister in law's part (but that isn't my place or anyone else to say anything:) My parents were really strict growing up. In fact we never would have behaved like that at home, much less at my aunt or uncle's home. Because there would have been consequences for us once we got home and they weren't going to be good if you know what I mean. But while all the adults were watching the boys and talking in a group in our lawn chairs. My mom leans over and says: "Are they the reason you haven't had kids yet?" Granted it is a funny comment when you think about how badly behaved these kiddos were. But it still stung after she had said it. Because if my own mother thinks that I'm scared of having uncontrollable children and that's the reason I'm not procreating with my husband. Then I'm sure the whole family thinks the same thing also!

But I'm not going to focus on her comment. Because when I do it stings even more and I don't want to keep opening it up. Cause it hurts. GEE THANKS MOM!!!!

But yes that was the 4th of July in a nutshell!! Sorry it took so long to post. I have even more to catch you all up on.
Love & Hugs!!!

The In Law's

Since the hubster has been farming till late in the evenings. I have been having to feed the "In Laws" that live in Mama Farmer's barn. They are all quite comical so I thought I would share a few pictures from Mama Farmer's farm.

Today I'm just going to introduce you to the horses. Mama Farmer really does treat these 3 like they are her babies. So I guess Mr. Farmer has 2 "little" brothers and 1 "little" sister... Mama farmer has a heart bigger then the state of Indiana. These horses all had no where else to go. Misty and her daddy Easy came into the family last year. They were half starved, abused and sick. Misty's mother actually died from starvation at the hands of their previous owner. It was terrible!!! Misty hasn't been broken yet. Mama farmer had planned on doing that this summer before we found out about the "Big C" so we might bring in a trainer and take care of breaking her for Mama Farmer. But anyway this is another branch of the family...

p.s. Please forgive the weird shots they are not used to a camera!! Easy didn't like it and Misty and Maverick were really interested in it.

This handsome snout belongs to Maverick. He is Mama Farmer's biggest and oldest Baby! He is actually a Mustang that she adopted through the government 20+ years ago.

The government actually tattoos the mustangs and you can still see it right below his mane. It's the white markings there. I think it says U.S. and a number. He is pretty old so it's not very legible.

And this little turkey is Misty. She is the youngest of the 3 horses. She is just over a year old. She is ornery as hell!! Misty has a good little heart even though she is demanding and quite the Diva!! I guess it doesn't help that she is the only female out of the 3 either.

Misty and Maverick's hind end.

MMMMmmmm Dinner!!!

This is Misty's Papa Easy. Don't be fooled by the name he is NOT easy going at all!! Although he is a stud... So he may be EASY in that department... I just don't know. Maybe one day I can get a nice picture of him up close and personal... He doesn't like the camera.

And this I threw in just for Shits and Giggles!!!

THE END!!!

How I spent my Saturday...

I'm going to warn you there are some OCD traits showing in this post. If you don't think you can deal with that please scroll on...

I have a tendency to not let go of things! By things I mean clothes, jewelry, scarves and shoes and anything else I can think of that I loved at one time or another. And this post will just prove all that.

I was shopping on ruelala.com (fantastic website!!!) The other day and found a fabulous pair of clogs that I had to have. And so I ordered them. And waited patiently for them to arrive... Saturday morning my beautiful, functional and oh so comfortable clogs appeared on my door step! I yanked open the box and sitting inside were my brand spanking new clod hoppers!!!




And I proceeded to take the box to my closet... It was then that I felt this enormous pang of shame! I can't take these oh so cute shoes to this terrible mess of a closet!! So what else should I do on a Saturday but clean out my disaster zone of a closet?
I proceeded to organize my closet! But I not only organized it! I colorized it!! Yes I organized all of my clothing by color...




Can you tell this old Farmer's wife was Uber bored on Saturday?



Do you all see that I have NO LIFE! I find so much enjoyment in doing things like this!! SAD SAD SAD!!! But oh so fun!!!




Yes there is a method to my madness!! I swear!!



I know my shelves are not color correct I actually put the colors that I wear the most closer to me... Me being 5 ft 5 inches I thought it would be better to do it that way. I'm not a huge fan of oranges and yellows so those are the least accessible to me...




How many red plaid shirts are a farmer's wife allowed to own?

I love red plaid!! I don't understand my reason for loving it so much?

The first shirt is a vintage farmer's shirt! I love wearing this with jeans. It's so stinking cute!!

Oh and I LOVE LOVE pearl snap button shirts! I swoon for Snap buttons!!! But I will delve into that in another post!!


Why does she always have to look so evil? Missy really is a funny cat! She just looks like my evil Supervisor!!


Now while I was doing all this organizing I found quite a few skeletons in this closet... I'm warning you ahead of time these are some pretty bizarre skeletons!!! I may lose all of my followers by putting this pictures up!


There is nothing wrong with AC/DC I was just happy to find my Shirt again!!


I don't even remember where these came from... I really don't know why I still have them. Probably because they are hearts and I LOVE hearts!



These are not Dorothy's Slippers although Dorothy lived on a farm and I live on a farm... Indiana has tornado's and we all know that Kansas has them too!!!

These shoes are actually owned by my wonderful Mother In Law. I borrowed them about 2 years ago when I dressed up as Dorothy for a Halloween Party. I just keep forgetting to return them to her! But actually deep down I just want to keep them cause they are so freaking cute!!!



This is my baby brother's base ball glove... I used it when I played softball on a family league for all of 3 months. It was the 1st and last time I ever played ball. It was a fun summer though! I never knew how to throw a ball before that!



And this is a Belly Dancing scarf. Why I have a belly dancing scarf I know not! I have great dreams of being thin enough to wear it for my hubby and actually doing a dance in it... But at this point in my life it would be more like a blubber dance, instead of a belly dance!!


If you made it thus far you should be given a star or a pair of ruby slippers or something! But I'm not sharing!!! Love you all so much!!!

Fur Babies: Missy

This is one of our 3 kids. She is the most spoiled of all three. She is the princess and she won't let anyone think any different.

Missy is our lovely little brat that came to us when I was pretty sick a couple years ago. She was a barn cat in my sister in law's horse barn. It was a hot nasty summer and I was having a lot of health issues they couldn't solve. I would faint anytime I was standing upright for a short period of time. So they took my driving privileges away and I really couldn't do anything but sit on the couch or lay on the bed all day. I couldn't go to work because I fainted too many times there. And they were worried about my safety, So I stayed home all day. It got pretty lonely. And my sister in law brought up the idea of my getting a cat! She said she had the cutest little gray fuzz ball that needed somebody to love it. But there was one small problem, I hated cats!! I absolutely abhorred felines!! I was a holy terror to the cats at my parents house growing up. So I thought why in the hell would I want a cat now? My sister in law kept saying it would help me pass the time and I wouldn't be soo lonely since Mr. Farmer was working in the fields all the time. But I still didn't like the idea. And she said this little kitty needs somebody to take it! It's too pretty to be a barn cat!! Mr. Farmer and I both kept saying NO!!! And then one night my Hubbs and I were at his parents home. Mr. Farmer's sister called him and asked us how long we were going to be down there and he said for a little while why? She said just hang out till I get there. So when she gets to the house our niece jumps out of the truck with a little gray cotton ball in her hands. And then his sister comes around the front of the truck with a bag of cat food and says here... They dumped her in my arms and I actually have to say I think it was love at first for that little shit!!! She was soo cute!!! Little beady blue eyes. And my mothering instinct took hold of me. I had to take care of this little booger cause all her little mates were getting trampled by the horses and she was just too darn cute to live in a barn for the rest of her kitty kat life... So I became the proud parent of a kitty. But mind you I have never and will never be a "Cat Person" I am a "Missy Person!" But NEVER a Cat Person!!! It was soo funny because the whole thing ended up being a set up!! Mr. Farmer's Mama had already bought a kitty litter pan and litter for my little booger and she also had a big bag of feed for little Miss Pissy Pants. So we we were had!!!





Missy became my little buddy. She never left my side when I was sick. When I was in the hospital she would hide until I came home. And then return to her normal routine of sitting on me or as close to me as possible for 24 7. She was the one thing/person I could vent all my frustrations too when the doctors couldn't figure my symptoms out. I'm not saying I couldn't talk about all this to Mr. Farmer. I just didn't want to complain to my hubby all the time. I knew he was under a lot of pressure. We were newlyweds his father had just had a stroke and here I was not able to stand for 10 minutes without ending up on the floor. So I did a lot of venting to the cat. She could take it. And when she had heard enough bitching and moaning she would just roll over stretch, yawn and fall asleep.



But I felt better having a beating heart near me. It made me feel like I was needed. And for the most part pretending like they needed me even though I wasn't a whole lot of use to anybody at that point in time. She was my anchor to sanity and that's a lot to write about a cat but its true. I had some dark days back then. But with the help of my kitty kat and my hubby they got me though it. It was 6 long months of endless tests and crazy miss-diagnosis. Thank God all that's over!! That's been almost 3 years ago and now Missy Pissy cat won't sit with me anymore. She loves her daddy a lot more then me. But I like to think of her as just being in her teenage years right now:) One day she will be my buddy again. She still follows me around everywhere. She just won't sit on my lap as often as she used to.


She watches TV with me all the time... This one looks like she didn't want me to change the station :)

Welcom ICLWers!!!!

I just wanted to say Hello to all the new people stopping by. I will give you a tad bit of background.

I'm married to a farmer we live in the heartland of America. We have been married almost 3 years. We are trying although so far unsuccessfully to add to our family. So far we have only ended up with 3 furkids. 2 dogs and 1 cat. I have PCOS and haven't had a period on my own in AGES!!! So at the end of this cycle. If I can start on my own (please cross your fingers and pray to God!!!) we will be starting our 1st medicated cycle. If I don't start on my own I will wait till CD35 and test to make sure I didn't have a miracle happen. And then I will get the dreaded progesterone and to have Aunt Flow stop in for a visit. After that I will start on Gonal F and Ovidrel for Trigger. So far I'm only on CD21 so in a few weeks I will be so full of hormones no one will want to be around me!!! That's all I've got.

I blog about farming and my family and stupid little things I love to take pictures but I'm no photographer. One of these days I hope to take a couple classes just for fun. I love to read also. I have just joined a book club that's just begun in my home town. And our 2nd book has just been phenomenal. (I picked this one!!!) It's spooky and dark and has a ton of secrets and mystery to it. I highly recommend this book to everyone. I had to start reading something other then infertility/fertility material. Or I was going to go crazy if I didn't. So this has helped get me out of this whole infertility bubble.
The book I just finished and have been referring to is: The Thirteenth Tale By: Diane Setterfield.

Go get it!! Oh and it's a perfect read for October!!!

Thanks for stopping by!!!

This weekend

Well I have an update of sorts on little S the girl I wrote about here
She has been found. Her mother had abandoned her. But now she is in the custody of her grandparents. Thank You Lord!!! We found this out last night from my hubbs cousin. They really think she will be happier now. I can't imagine what had happened and her mother ought to be thrown in jail for life. But I don't think they even know where she is. Oh and the kicker is this women had another child that was an infant and she left it with a friend of hers to raise!!! WTH?!! I'm just glad that S will be taken care of and will not have to survive on her own any more and is in a home of people who love her and will protect her.

Our weekend went well the weather was beautiful!! I worked on getting the porches decorated for fall. One of the perks of living in a farming community is that you can always "borrow" melons, pumpkins, corn you name it we swap for it. Usually Mr. Farmer gets called out by the local farmers to come and fix equipment or to advise on broken tractors etc. Hubby has been a tractor mechanic for years. He loves tinkering on anything with a motor. As long as its not a chevy that is... :) He is a tad partial to Fords. Anyway hubs took me to one of our neighbors pumpkin fields to get pumpkins cause I have been hounding him for a week to bring some home when he ran by there... But this way I got to pick my own. We had about 14 mama jama pumpkins in the bed of that truck. They are just gorgeous this year. There is just something about fall that just stirs me up inside. I love the falling leaves and the colors and the crisp air. I just love love love fall! I love getting to wear my sweaters and boots! Riding in the combine with my honey. Having bon fires and roasting marshmallows. Mmmm I just love fall!! I took some pictures too. I have to tell you I'm addicted to hearts. I collect them and if its cool and unusual I will buy the item that is covered in hearts, is a heart or what have you. Saturday I was grocery shopping and found a huge container of gourds which I usually buy a few for decorations. So I start digging in this bin for the best gourds and I find myself a little gourd that had a heart!! It was so unusual!!!




I'll post some pictures of the pumpkins we got last night later. For now I will show you a pic of my favorite flower/bush thingy that is in my front yard. I have no idea what the name is but I have 5 of them and they are huge. And the butterflies love them!!! The flowers are just covered in butterflies throughout the day.




Oh and if your wondering if my body has reacted badly to the prometrium!!! I will have to tell you that is hasn't!! I can't believe it!!! I'm actually on double the dose I have usually been on in the past. But this time around I haven't had the bloating, nor the severe cramps, headaches, nausea. I really think its because of the acupuncture. That is the only thing I have done differently since the last prometrium induced period which was Jan of 2009. So I highly recommend acupuncture!! I have my appointment with Beth the most wonderful acupuncturist in the world this afternoon!! You all will think this is terrible of me. But at my RE appt last Thursday I completely forgot to bring up the fact that I had been going to acu for the past 6 months. I got brain freeze when they told me I was going to have to have an HSG and he wanted me to start inject ables. I wasn't able to think properly after that. But the sad thing is that it wasn't until this morning while washing my hair that I had remembered that I didn't tell him about how I wanted to keep seeing her... Which I really highly doubt it will be a problem this cycle anyway because we aren't officially "trying" this time around. But anyway I guess I'll just tell her to stick me where it will make aunt flow's visit more imminent and skip the traditional Chinese herbs. Oh and the RE recommended that I start taking a baby aspirin and 1000mg of Folic acid along with my prenatal vit. So that might be helping with the lack of side effects. But I'm not sure.

Oh and I'm going to leave you with a couple more pics I took last night. Of my puppies and hubby. My fur kids love watermelon and this will probably be the last melon of the season since we have mowed them all down and plowed the field. We kept several for the kids and this is the last one we had.


Daddy Farmer, Buddy & Maggie



Maggie



Buddy

My goodness I let a week slip by and didn’t get back on here and update about my acupuncture appointment. For that I am truly sorry. But When I don’t hear the news I want to hear I tend to bury my head like an ostrich and wish I hadn’t heard it all. It’s almost as if I say the truth out loud then it’s true. But if I don’t talk about it or write about it then it can’t possibly be true. That’s logical right?

The herbs haven’t made me start. My patience is hanging on my by a thread. And now that thread is slowly beginning to unravel. I want this to work more than anything! Shouldn’t that be enough? She wants to start a different round of herbs this next week. She is having them specially blended for me at a pharmacy out west. This will be the 2nd batch that has been blended for me. I don’t want to go and do what I know is the next step. but yet I do want to take that step. I want it to be simple! I want to say let’s have a baby. And not have to debate with myself about the doctor I should choose or what medical procedure would be ethical for me! Why is it so damn hard for so many of us? I watch the bellies of the women in my small circle of friends slowly getting rounder and rounder as the weeks go by. And I notice myself quietly walking away from them lest my jealousy get the better of me. I don’t trust myself anymore. I’m happy for them but it eats at me in way I never thought possible.
This weekend I have a baby shower to attend that is for my cousin’s girlfriend. From the outside looking in she isn’t excited about it all. And I have to go and put a smile on my face and try not to give her the tongue lashing she deserves. I do fine with the women that I know are truly excited about the life growing inside them. But it’s the women I know that would much rather not be pregnant that drive me batty. I want to scream at them! Do you not understand the miracle you possess? The gift you are able to give? You can grow a baby!! I can only watch!!! Where is the justice in that?

I think a lot of the reason I’m so moody today is because I will turn 27 tomorrow. I had always imagined myself having at least 2 children by this age. It’s driving me insane knowing that I may not even have one child by the time I hit 30. I’m so depressed about this birthday for some reason. All week long I have just about come to tears thinking about it. I can’t control it. I ache for a child and now I’m no longer going to be in my mid twenties. I will hit the late twenties mark with no child in my arms or even in my belly!! It hurts so much. I’ve just always figured I would have kids. I knew it would take a little bit of time. But I never thought it would take this much. Or would have me turning into a jealous barren woman!!! And it doesn’t help that I have to hear my mother tell me that she had 2 kids by the time she was my age. Her sisters each had 3 and 4 by the time they were my age. I’m wasting time!!! I’m not getting any younger. And by the time we get around to it Farmer will be 40 when our kid goes to kindergarten! I have heard it all from my mother. She also seems to think the reason God isn’t blessing us with a child is because we “lived in sin” before we were married… God is punishing us!!! I swear all this is starting to wear my nerves thin. I believe in a loving God whereas my mother the Holy Roller that she is seems to disagree. Lord please forgive me for complaining, but your not making this any easier!!!!