The C word...

I have avoided blogging for a week now. I just couldn't find the words. I'm still at a loss for where to begin or how to begin. Sometimes it seems like trouble just follows us. My husband and I. Now it seems to have filtered into our family. On Wednesday afternoon of last week. My husbands mother, the most wonderful person in the world was diagnosed with colon cancer. Our lives have just gone topsy turvey and I feel like I could vomit right now. I thought I would just go along and not blog about this because I am a somewhat anonymous blogger. But the more I sit here and keep it bottled up the more it hurts. I'm VERY VERY close to my MIL she is wonderful. My husband is very close to her too. She actually introduced me to her son. We have such a great relationship and now I may lose it. I feel so guilty for not being able to provide her grandchildren from my husband and I. I know how much she wants my hubby to have a baby boy. And so I guess I just needed to put this all out here and get it off my chest. I can't carry it around any longer. She doesn't want anyone to know just yet. So just our immediate family know and that's it. This morning we took her to the hospital to get a port set up in her chest for chemo treatments and as I'm typing this she is receiving her 1st round of chemo. All I can think of is I will lose the one women in my life who feels like my mother. My mother is not my mom. She isn't mentally stable and my MIL has always been there for me. She actually was going to be the one person I wanted with me when I delivered my children. I'm so scared and worried about her and my husband. I know this is just another trial in our life that will bring us all closer together.

Oh and to top it all off tomorrow I will have to call the RE for the start of this cycle!! Here we go medicated cyle. I'm so worried about all this. But Hubbs wants to go ahead with our plans. So PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY for us!!!! I'm soo going to need it!!!