My Hubbs

Hello everyone in blog land!!! I'm going to start August off by Introducing my better half!! I haven't really introduced my Husband of almost 3 years to you all. He is wonderful and funny. Quiet and shy. Strong and silent. But has a heart bigger then Indiana. So I'm going to post a few pictures. He is VERY difficult to phototgraph because he is always on the go. Fixing tractors, working ground, planting, harvest or just working on something that needs working on. (Now wasn't that a great line!!) And usually when I can get in front of him he is telling me don't take my picture which ends up making his face all scrunched up so he looks like he is angry. But he isn't he just gets annoyed at his wife for being out in his face taking pictures when she ought to be doing laundry or washing dishes. So for now you will just get pics of him working. Anyway I give you the Man of my Dreams!!!!













Is this not the loneliest looking dog... He looks so forlone watching his papa drive away.

A new leaf

I have been having a lot of trouble trying to figure out what everyone would be interested in reading on here. So I end up not blogging at all. So I'm going to make an honest effort this month to blog every week. I need to spice it up a little and not make it just about my barren uterus. I'm such a weird girl and I enjoy taking pictures. So I'm going to truly turn over a new leaf for the month of August. But in order to do that I'm going to need feedback. I love my farm and our crazy little life on it so I'm going to try and give more glimpses of it. So please keep tabs on me!!!! I will try not to disappoint you!!!!

Being my Own Advocate

This summer is slipping by so quickly! Soon it will be harvest. And then very soon after that it will be our third anniversary!!! Time just seems to be speeding away from me. I never paid much attention to how quickly time flew until I got married. It seemed as if my weeks just drug along and the weekends seemed so far away. And now it seems like I lay my head down Sunday night and when I wake up its Friday morning again. I wish I could I slow it all down and just glide through a quite little week alone with my hubby!!!! But there are crops to spray, melons to pick neighbors to help, equipment that needs fixing, and animals that need to be feed... This is my great big excuse for being gone so long… Pathetic I know!!

To start out with I'm beginning to feel optimistic again, with this whole (in) fertility journey. My peace is coming back to me. And I don't feel so frantic about the fact that I'm still not pregnant. My acupuncturist has really helped me in more ways than one. I have never in my life felt as good as I do now. My head is clearer. I feel so much stronger and the energy I have now I never ever had before. Even as a teenager! I know the miracle I have been waiting for is still eluding me but I now know that I need this journey!! It will make me a healthier momma. And then in turn my baby will be healthier. I have revamped my whole life it seems. My energy levels are through the roof now. So I’m able to get things done, things I have been wanting to do on our house for years. Which I know once I had a baby to care for would never have gotten done. And another is I have added so many good things to my diet. I’m becoming so much more aware of my body. I love what is happening to me. And I know Farmer is noticing too. He doesn’t seem to mind the new food either. He’s gotten used to the “healthy” Pasta and the “healthy” Lettuce. I hated doing it to him but I know its best.

I’m reading so much about the problem that I have and have been living with for several years now. I want to become as informed as I can be. I don’t want to just walk into a Fertility Specialist office and have him shoot me up with a bunch of drugs that aren’t going to solve the problem. So the latest books on my night stand have been the following:

The New Glucose Revolution to Living Well with PCOS by: Dr. Jennie Brand-Miller M.D. & Dr. Nadir R. Farid

The Infertility Cure by: Randine Lewis

Taking Charge of Your Fertility by: Toni Weschler (Every woman needs to read this book it really should be required reading in High School!!!)

I’m trying to spend as much time learning about my uterus and ovaries as most people spend researching for their vacation or a new car. I feel like women as a whole aren’t taught to become informed about their bodies and its quiet scary. I spent more time looking for the right dress for my wedding then I did for my 1st gynecologist!! Why aren’t we taught to be more informed? I hate that I was never told to learn for myself about my health.
I’m learning to be my own advocate. And my hope is that more women will learn to do the same.
I promise I didn’t sit down thinking that this is where my story was going to go but that is where it went. I will try and keep up on blogging I have had too long of a vacation. I have missed it. I will also write more about how our life has been changing with the new plans my acupuncturist has been giving me. More to come later!!!

Wish "Grant"ed

We had a miracle take place in our family this week.

My husband's cousin J. and his wife A. welcomed a new baby boy into the world on Tuesday. It was an emotional event for me but beautiful and hopeful to.
They too had suffered in silence. Like so many hundreds and thousands of other couples in the world who want a child so bad. They had been trying to conceive for 2 years but never told any one in our family. They weren't wanting anyone to know they were having trouble. So here we all were suffering in silence 2 miles apart yet we were walking around in the same fog of despair not able to see the others.

J. is my husbands best friend and cousin we see them ALL the time. They live right down the road and we talked to them daily. But neither of us ever told the others what was going on. They were having trouble just like we were but we all were to scared to open that up and share that burden with each other. When they found out they were pregnant they finally told us they had tried for 2 years. We were so stunned to find that out. But then we in turn ended up sharing that we had also been trying. It was kind of like the elephant had slipped off our backs when we sat down and talked about it together. It brought us closer and made our relationship go to another level. It also gave me someone to share with who had beat the devil so to speak. She knew it was hard for me to watch her belly expand every couple weeks. And what is was like to spend more money on pee sticks then you spend on shoes in 6 months. We shared so much, and she brought me more avenues to explore and she is my cheerleader. I have so few people to share and cry about all this with. It has been an interesting journey with them. I can't believe where it has gotten us but I'm not upset at the result. I Thank God everyday for them and for this Journey I know deep down there is a reason we are going through this right now.

Grant is a miracle. He is precious and indeed the most hoped for little guy. I pray that I can be the guide in this deep dark ocean that Grant's momma has been for me in the last 6 months. I'm so happy for them. I just pray that our children will be able to play together. I'm not going to let this beat me. I will be a momma!!!!

Thank You

I just wanted to say I love that I have found such a good support system via the Internet. I really don't know what I would do without the friends that I have connected with through this whole process. I really think when you are dealing with Infertility you really don't want people's pity so you avoid the conversations with loved ones and friends so you won't put them in awkward situations but you do need to talk and to vent sometimes. And I'm guess I'm just wanting to write a thank you note to all the blogs and message boards that I visit and tell them I appreciate it.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!
An Infertile Farmers Wife