Mama Farmer Update

Mama Farmer had been doing so good lately. She really had!! At Christmas she wasn't doing to hot. She was getting really run down from the chemo so they said we will hold off on the Chemo as long as your numbers don't go too crazy. So Christmas came and went without Chemo. New Years was good beacause she got her appitite back. The first week of Feburary came and she was getting plump cheeks and even had some color on them!! And she wanted to make a trek to one of her favorite resturants. Which was over an hour away. She was ready to chow down!! So the whole family took a drive on a cold and blustry Saturday night in February. We had a blast. 3 kiddos 6 adults and countless plates of high fat German cooking later we all were giggling and laughing have a great time. She fell asleep in the back seat with me. It was a great night. Valentine's Day popped up and she decorated the house to the hilt. She had hearts on anything that would sit still long enough.... Her poor cat!! Mama F. was doing great. It was just like old times. She even began to ride to the barn and feed her horses with us. She hadn't done that in a long time. Mama F was getting her stride back.
But cancer is a bitch....
She lies in the dark waiting for the most unsuspecting moment to come roaring back to life again. Last week Mr. Farmer came into the living room and Mama F. wasn't feeling quite up to par. She said her arm hurt and itched. She was sleepy and didn't feel like feeding tonight. So he thought maybe she had just been doing too much. Then the next day she stayed home from work and slept all day. Her arm was worse we called the doctor and took her in. They said she had gotten Shingles!!! Just what she needs! When her immune system is already non exsistent now she has to try and fight shingles. She got to feeling really bad last week from them but they uped her meds so she would be able to cope with them better. They cause a lot of pain. So they were really concerned about that. They started to spread. They got on her face and it was hard for her to open her eyes because of the swelling. But then this week they began to shrink and the pain started to subside. She felt good enough to go into work. Yesterday she headed to work made it about an hour and then had to go potty.
Then Cancer played a dirty trick...
She got sick and then started to bleed....

Right now she is sitting in a hospital bed waiting for surgery on her liver....

Why does cancer have to whoop on her like this?...

Why can't Cancer play Fair?

Why can't I have a happy post my first week back to blogging?

I miss writing happy stuff.

Auction

This weekend Mr. Farmer and I went to a farm auction of a local farmer. The word Auction usually sends chills up my spine and reminds me of the old John Mellencamp song Rain on the Scarecrow.
(If you have never heard it or seen the video check it out below. You will get a sense of what a farm auction is like from it.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joNzRzZhR2Y

Farm Auctions are so heartbreaking... This particular Auction was on a beautiful farm just north of us by about 20 miles. It was a man who had farmed his whole life. He having reached 85 years old had no one to pass his family legacy on to. No one to take on the plow and work the ground like he and his fathers before him had. I watched this poor man with tears in his eyes as the local farmers were going through his equipment, tools, tractors, and trucks. Each one complimenting under their breath at how well the old man had taken care of this or that piece of equipment. It's shocking how something so common place as the family farm is disappearing before our very eyes! I'm sure I have no idea the depth of pain and sorrow he had watching all his hard work for well over 70 years of his life float away on the wind. He had a pristine farm and home. You could tell by the way his barns were kept that he loved his farm and his life here. The barn was well worn from the elements but clean and tidy. His equipment was old but well maintained. I couldn't help but wonder if 50 years down the road if Mr. Farmer and I would be in the same position... Having to sell off everything we have worked so hard for, because there was no one to pass it along to.

Down the Rabbit hole...

Tonight I will be turning out the lights here in public blog land. My heart is aching at having to do this. I really really really don't want to. But my life being in the place that it is in right now, I feel that I must do it. I hope to return to the public soon. But for now I can't be out here. I miss doing ICLW so much. I hate that I haven't posted in so long. My mind rattles with all the clever posts knocking around in my head right now. That is why I'm going private instead of closing my blog down for good. I know I could never ever do that. But privacy being the biggest issue right now I feel that I must batten down the hatches. I love being able to share my journey with anyone and everyone. I will miss that so much. But for now it will be a small posse. And of friends that I know want to be here. Thank you all so much for having read my blog over the years. I love each and everyone of you. And thank you all for following me down the rabbit hole of private blogging. I truly can't believe you all are coming along. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. I promise to share as much as I can once I get settled into the new wonderland that's waiting on the other side.
Love & Hugs to you all!!!



p.s. I will need your e-mail addresses to add to the log. If you and I have e-mailed in the past I should be able to find you. If not I will need your actual email address or you won't be able to log in to the blog. Please msg me with it or post it in the comment section so I can put you down. I'm hoping to turn everything off tonight or tomorrow. Love ya

The Final Countdown

Yes it's coming... The Private Mis-Adventures of a Modern Day Farmer's Wife! Please send me a message so i can add your e-mail address to the log. Im so excited to finally be able to share with you all again. I miss spilling my guts to you. I can't believe Ive waited this long to finally do this. Stay tuned!!!!!

Hello

I've been missing you so much!! I've actually been writing this post a hundred times a day in my head. Ive found myself needing to lock down lately and that is why i haven't posted. I wish i could share everything that's been going on, but i can't. Not yet anyway... I have figured out that I can't keep quite i need to blog. I miss writing! But I can't do it without going private. And i hate having to do this. And i realize that not many if any will follow me into the shelter and comfort of the private world. I can't explain it all now but i promise i will once I've gotten the door shut. Its not as bad as it sounds but i will explain soon. I will just need you all to tell me if you want to follow me into the dark side or not. i plan to shut this old girl down Next Friday night. March 11th. Please come! I wont be able to do this with out you all. love to each and every one of you!!!!!