A Stalemate

Yee Haw!!! Its Acupuncture day and I have been praying for a miracle. Well actually just recently I started praying for a miracle. I have been hoping for a looooooong freaking time but not praying. I guess it’s safe to say I have become one of those people that just pray when they want something…. (My mother would fall over dead if she read that sentence!) I’m not asking for much. Just for a period!! Is that too much to ask? I’m on cd155!!! I haven’t had a period in 155 days!!! I have sworn off using medications to make me start and now I feel myself starting to waver. I wanted this to work without medication. I have read a 101 success stories of women overcoming PCOS by acupuncture. And now I feel like my hope is fading. I just want a baby so bad and I really don’t know if I can hold out much longer. I’m feeling so frustrated about the whole thing. I know how wonderful I feel from going to acupuncture. My quality of life is so much better I just haven’t been able to have a period since the first month I started going to acupuncture. Now my female organs have entered into a stalemate. I don’t know what to do it end it. I tell myself if I give up now it will take at least a few months to get into the Reproductive Endocrinologist. And in that time frame I might have gotten pregnant if I had just stuck it out a little while longer. So I guess I have found myself between the rock and that hard place I always hear about. Hopefully I will have some answers tonight from the most understanding medical professional I have ever met in my life… I think all doctors need to start out practicing in Eastern Medicine for awhile just to learn how to relate to people and then after 5 years they could be let out to practice western medicine and or both. I have been so amazed at how my body has changed by what she has done. That is why I know deep down this works I just don’t understand why it’s taking so long for me!!!!

Glutton

Bless me father for i have sinned... Yes I have to confess that I've been a glutton and its terrible!!! I shouldn't have!! But I did. Actually my hubby is to blame too. But you can't confess the sins of another at confession. So here goes: within a 24 hour period I (we) ate a half a pan of brownies and a half dozen sugar cookies!!! I was on a weird baking kick yesterday. Don't ask me why. I made 3 dozen sugar cookies and a huge pan of brownies. (I wonder if that's why I feel like a zombie today!!!) I'm in a sugar coma. So much for all the good I did last week with the organic/ whole foods... I just blew that all to hell!!! Well being raised Catholic I figured I better confess. Although I think a priest would laugh at that one.
Thank you for letting me get that off my chest I feel better now!!! I will try better this week I promise!!

My Hubbs

Hello everyone in blog land!!! I'm going to start August off by Introducing my better half!! I haven't really introduced my Husband of almost 3 years to you all. He is wonderful and funny. Quiet and shy. Strong and silent. But has a heart bigger then Indiana. So I'm going to post a few pictures. He is VERY difficult to phototgraph because he is always on the go. Fixing tractors, working ground, planting, harvest or just working on something that needs working on. (Now wasn't that a great line!!) And usually when I can get in front of him he is telling me don't take my picture which ends up making his face all scrunched up so he looks like he is angry. But he isn't he just gets annoyed at his wife for being out in his face taking pictures when she ought to be doing laundry or washing dishes. So for now you will just get pics of him working. Anyway I give you the Man of my Dreams!!!!













Is this not the loneliest looking dog... He looks so forlone watching his papa drive away.

A new leaf

I have been having a lot of trouble trying to figure out what everyone would be interested in reading on here. So I end up not blogging at all. So I'm going to make an honest effort this month to blog every week. I need to spice it up a little and not make it just about my barren uterus. I'm such a weird girl and I enjoy taking pictures. So I'm going to truly turn over a new leaf for the month of August. But in order to do that I'm going to need feedback. I love my farm and our crazy little life on it so I'm going to try and give more glimpses of it. So please keep tabs on me!!!! I will try not to disappoint you!!!!

Being my Own Advocate

This summer is slipping by so quickly! Soon it will be harvest. And then very soon after that it will be our third anniversary!!! Time just seems to be speeding away from me. I never paid much attention to how quickly time flew until I got married. It seemed as if my weeks just drug along and the weekends seemed so far away. And now it seems like I lay my head down Sunday night and when I wake up its Friday morning again. I wish I could I slow it all down and just glide through a quite little week alone with my hubby!!!! But there are crops to spray, melons to pick neighbors to help, equipment that needs fixing, and animals that need to be feed... This is my great big excuse for being gone so long… Pathetic I know!!

To start out with I'm beginning to feel optimistic again, with this whole (in) fertility journey. My peace is coming back to me. And I don't feel so frantic about the fact that I'm still not pregnant. My acupuncturist has really helped me in more ways than one. I have never in my life felt as good as I do now. My head is clearer. I feel so much stronger and the energy I have now I never ever had before. Even as a teenager! I know the miracle I have been waiting for is still eluding me but I now know that I need this journey!! It will make me a healthier momma. And then in turn my baby will be healthier. I have revamped my whole life it seems. My energy levels are through the roof now. So I’m able to get things done, things I have been wanting to do on our house for years. Which I know once I had a baby to care for would never have gotten done. And another is I have added so many good things to my diet. I’m becoming so much more aware of my body. I love what is happening to me. And I know Farmer is noticing too. He doesn’t seem to mind the new food either. He’s gotten used to the “healthy” Pasta and the “healthy” Lettuce. I hated doing it to him but I know its best.

I’m reading so much about the problem that I have and have been living with for several years now. I want to become as informed as I can be. I don’t want to just walk into a Fertility Specialist office and have him shoot me up with a bunch of drugs that aren’t going to solve the problem. So the latest books on my night stand have been the following:

The New Glucose Revolution to Living Well with PCOS by: Dr. Jennie Brand-Miller M.D. & Dr. Nadir R. Farid

The Infertility Cure by: Randine Lewis

Taking Charge of Your Fertility by: Toni Weschler (Every woman needs to read this book it really should be required reading in High School!!!)

I’m trying to spend as much time learning about my uterus and ovaries as most people spend researching for their vacation or a new car. I feel like women as a whole aren’t taught to become informed about their bodies and its quiet scary. I spent more time looking for the right dress for my wedding then I did for my 1st gynecologist!! Why aren’t we taught to be more informed? I hate that I was never told to learn for myself about my health.
I’m learning to be my own advocate. And my hope is that more women will learn to do the same.
I promise I didn’t sit down thinking that this is where my story was going to go but that is where it went. I will try and keep up on blogging I have had too long of a vacation. I have missed it. I will also write more about how our life has been changing with the new plans my acupuncturist has been giving me. More to come later!!!