The Mis-Adventures of A Modern Day Farmer's Wife

My goodness time has really gotten away from me again!! I'm soo sorry. We are still taking care of 2 households. And it's gotten a tad bit harder because now it's spring and Hubby is having to start working ground (1st step in getting the ground ready to plant grain). My Mama In law is still being hard headed!! Although we have gotten her to eat some ice cream along with the Ensure/Boost! And she has gained 2 pounds!!! So maybe we can cut the daily tongue lashings back a little. But she is still is depressed. Her Oncologist seems to think it's from her being upset about the fact that she got cancer in the 1st place. I don't know if I can agree with that. But I see his point. He thinks that since she has been healthy her whole entire life. And the only time she has ever spent in the hospital was after the birth of her children. And now she here she has been in and out of the hospital for over 2 months and barely able to function for over 4 months. So I guess maybe he might know something. But I just can't understand why she is depressed now! When the worst is behind her....

Other then the drama with the mama we are treading water. Hubby and I are doing great. My treatments for infertility are still hanging out on the back burner. I just feel to maxed out emotionally to have to try and deal with that too. But the want for a child waxes and wanes. Some days I think that maybe it's better this way. Just being the 2 of us. We can come and go when we want and stay out late and not have to worry about a baby sitter. Or even go backroading in the mustang at 10 o'clock at night and not have a baby to get home to. But then I think that maybe we only do those things because we don't have a baby to care for. That we fill up our free time with all that extra. And then I think about how much it hurts to know that if I keep going along making excuses as to why I'm not doing treatments I will wake up one day and it will be too late to do them. I ache for a child to hold in my arms. But it scares me to think that I might lose what Mr. Farmer and I have right now. We are soo happy right now.

I'm freely going to admit that I'm scared to death to get pregnant!!

But I'm scared to death I won't get pregnant!!

Now what sense does that make? Yes I know I don't make sense but I just thought I would throw it out there and expose myself for what I am... A Big fat Infertile Chicken!!

I have been having so many mixed emotions lately about getting KU and I don't really know how to deal with them or much less how to express them. So I'm dumping them all on you!!!

Next thing on the agenda: I think I'm going to have to ask for some Ass-vice on something. It's been waying pretty heavy on my mind. And to be quite honest it sprung out of no where. So Maybe over the next week I will have to lay on my sofa and ask Dr. Bloggy (You all!) to help me figure out the best course of action or maybe you all will tell me to not do anything... So stay tuned!! And if you don't hear from me about this issue then you better beat my blog door down or something!! Cause it's a doozie!

Oh and one more thing I forgot to tell you. The night my book club was set to discuss The Red Tent, my Mama in Law went back into the hospital! So I didn't have to go and deal with all the mama's in the Book club talking about the book and what it meant to them. (ie their birth stories etc.) I know once it got to my turn to tell them how I felt it would have totally gotten awkward so Thank the Lord I had a good excuse not to go this time around.... Although I do hate that Mama Farmer had to go back to the hospital.

**Dear Lord forgive me for thinking that Mama Farmer going into the hospital was a blessing for me!!!**

Well stay tuned for my sofa session cause I'm going to really need some help on this issue!