Hall O Weenie!!!!

Guess what? Halloween is starting early this year!! The Crimson Quill book club is holding the October meeting tonight!! And we are all dressing up!! How fun does that sound? I'm super excited about dressing up. For the last few weeks I had planned on going as Hippie but then one of the girls thought we should dress up as characters from the books we have read over the last year. Is that not a great idea? I won't tell you all who I have chosen cause I don't know who all is reading today! Hopefully the book club gals won't be reading this!! :) Love ya!!
Well I found my costume hanging in the back of my closet... Which is how most of my Halloween costumes begin... Yes I am one of "Those" adults!!! Which really I guess I need to use the term "adult" loosely!! :) I truly love to dress up for Halloween now that I am grown. I think it is so much fun! Growing up my mother was VEEEEEEEEEEEEERY strict about things like that. So we were not allowed to dress up for Halloween. But being we were Catholic my mother would let us dress up the following day on All Saints Day as a Saint of "our" choice... But we couldn't trick or treat or anything like that. It was pretty Lame!!! Let me tell ya... Holy cow when I look back at memories like that it sometimes scares me. I think of how much I want to be a parent and then I remember how psycho my mother was and I know I have her blood running through my veins... Will I become that crazy mother?


WoOOOOOOOOAH I need to stop this horse now! I was soooo not going to go there but it happened anyway. Those crazy childhood memories creep up out of no where sometimes.

Getting back to my costume!! It's just a simple white night gown that my mother in law had purchased from some old lady who makes lace & woman's old fashioned garments. So she bought me a very long, very old fashioned white nightgown. Which is actually quite pretty for oh say 19o1! But it's just a little too humble and quaint for my bedroom attire.... Mind you I don't wear leather and chains! I just don't wear 5 yards of fabric to bed each night!!! :) God bless her! I would love to have seen what was going on in her mind when she saw this thing!! Was she thinking: mmm you know Mrs. Farmer really would look nice in this? Or maybe if I buy this Mr. Farmer defiantly won't chase her around this house in this one... Poor girl, could get her rest on the nights she wears this one...

Any way getting back to the reason I'm posting! I'm going to wear a long sleeve shirt underneath and buy some wound dressing tape. I'm going to put some fake blood on the tape and then place the tape on the white gown. And then I will be going as a murdered woman! Won't that be interesting? I can't wait to see all the other girls' costumes! I think were going to have a blast tonight. Hopefully I will remember to take pictures!
Love to you all!!

Ditsy Brunette Moment

Do you know that it actually took me 2 WHOLE weeks to figure out that I could play on the Internet with my Kindle!!! What the hell is wrong with me? I got the one with 3G so I was shopping on amazon all the this time for books. But for some unknown reason I didn't get the memo that I could surf the web with it!! I was literally lying in bed last night when I found the search tab... Holy Cow I swear I heard angels singing! Hallelujah! Yet another device to feed my addiction! I thought I was just going to use this for reading books!! Hells to the no WAY! I have a whole new avenue of blogging now. Not that I can blog on this thing very easily but I can at least do it when I think of something short and sweet to say to all my lovelies! That would be you all! And no, don't even ask me to tweet! I don't think my brain could handle another addiction!

Any-hoo I just thought you all might find my ditsy moment amusing. It's actually quite sad... I'm so terribly stupid when it comes to technology of any sort. So please bear with me! I'm just a little ole country girl!

Im actually writing this post from my bed! holy cow i love my kindle!! just thought iwould share that with you all!

love you & goodnight

5

This number has been burned in my head for weeks now. It's a number I'm beginning to hate actually. Who could hate an innocent little number like 5? I remember when I was 5. I was soooo ready to go to school. I wanted to be a BIG KID so bad! My lovely sister Retta was a "Big Kid". She was a whole 5 years older then me. She had everything I wanted. She was a blond. I was brunette. Her hair was long and straight. Mine was crazy and frizzy. Retta could always manage to get through conversations with out saying something backwards. I on the other hand always made a fool of myself. Thank you dyslexia. She never had the wild temper I had. Or the crazy impulses to jump into mud puddles. Or run wild though the woods all day. She was always the clean, pulled together, matchy matchy sister... Where I was the sister with the tousled hair and mis matched socks...

Now here we are at 28 and 33 and she is pregnant with her 5th child. My sister has never had one health issue... (Scratch that she is fucking nuts!!! :) She is married to a lifetime student. My brother in law will be 34 does not work. He is a FULL TIME student!! My sister does not work either. She actually home schools my nephews. They just moved into student housing at his newest school about 2 months ago. And she thinks it's time to share the news that they adding one more to there litter.... She is 22 weeks along. She just told my parents last week. Half way though her pregnancy she decides to drop the news to them. She told me 3 weeks before that.

Can you tell how excited I am?

The past 2 maybe 3 years they have lived with his family while he finished one of his many degrees. He graduated from that school this past May. My family actually thought he might begin to use all of this knowledge he has built up and get a JOB with it. But no!! To our surprise he applied at yet another school. But now at this school, he can on a occasion student teach. Oh and lets not forget, he has been published in a few journals!! ::::::Insert eye rolls and yawns:::::: But nothing high paying... He has no steady income, except grants & scholarships! My sister actually went to college got her degree and used it to teach English in a private academy. So yes she is capable of getting a good job. My Bother In Law is going to school to become a priest in their religion so yes it takes time to do that. BUT why would you keep adding all these mouths to feed if you aren't going to be the one to feed them? I don't know what kind of State assistance they get. I'm not really that close with my sister. When she lived her we used to be. But she has done so many bizarre things over the past few years that I don't even want to be associated with her. Much less be known as her sister. I'm just flabbergasted that someone like my sister who doesn't own a home, has NEVER had to buy a vehicle, (They have always been donated to them by very caring, fellow church members. ) can shoot babies out like a human Pez Dispenser!!! What the Fuck?

There really is NO justice in this life!

When I was little, anytime someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told them I was going to be a mom. I have dreamed of being a mommy my whole life. And here I am thrown right back to that 5 year old backward little girl with the messy hair. Who's older sister could do everything I wanted and but never could.

2 year Blogversary!!

Wow where has the time gone? I never thought in a million years back on that September afternoon in 2008 that 2 years from then I would still have empty arms, just waiting for a baby to fill them. Or begging my mother in law to eat every day. Oh and having to know that in the time it has taken my sister to bring 3 children into the world I haven't even brought one in to it.

I'm a little melancholy today. Even though Mama farmer was released from the hospital about an hour ago. We have her snuggled in on the couch. She tells us she is not hungry but she has strict orders to eat every 2 hours. But she is as stubborn as the colt standing in the lot out back. The doctors said it wasn't her gallbladder causing her trouble it was from the lack of nourishment... She is starving herself again. She doesn't want to deal with the nasty side effects of having most of her colon removed so she doesn't want to eat any solid food now. Which has in turn put her in the hospital for almost 5 days filling her body back up with protein, potassium, & calcium, which she has starved her body of. She kept telling us she was eating. But we aren't there with her all day. I want so badly to take a way the pain of cancer and the pain of all the belly issues involved but I can't. I can only watch as she deals with it the only way she thanks she can.... Mr. Farmer and I had a fight last night and I know it was mostly because he is so concerned about his mother. This his fuse is short. They have such a close relationship and this whole thing is killing him. He wants her to see his future children and to look forward to the future with him and our family. My heart is bleeding because of the unkind words we said to each other. Even though I know it's because we are maxed out. We have hit the boiling point and it's effecting our home life!!

CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm praying that this last time in the hospital will have scared her into changing her ways. She has until Tuesday to keep her levels up at the same if not better then what they were this morning. Please Pray that she does! They won't do anymore chemo until she gets her body into a little bit better shape. Her little body is so frail. He skin hangs like a hobo's rags. She was always a very curvy lady. She was beautiful and vivacious. Loud and unafraid. Now I feel that cancer has seeped into her very soul and robbed it of our dear Mama Farmer. That Evil Bitch: Cancer has used her nasty black tentacles and wrapped them around our hearts and is squeezing... I don't know when she will let us go... Or if she ever will.

Can I go back to 2008? Please...