2 year Blogversary!!

Wow where has the time gone? I never thought in a million years back on that September afternoon in 2008 that 2 years from then I would still have empty arms, just waiting for a baby to fill them. Or begging my mother in law to eat every day. Oh and having to know that in the time it has taken my sister to bring 3 children into the world I haven't even brought one in to it.

I'm a little melancholy today. Even though Mama farmer was released from the hospital about an hour ago. We have her snuggled in on the couch. She tells us she is not hungry but she has strict orders to eat every 2 hours. But she is as stubborn as the colt standing in the lot out back. The doctors said it wasn't her gallbladder causing her trouble it was from the lack of nourishment... She is starving herself again. She doesn't want to deal with the nasty side effects of having most of her colon removed so she doesn't want to eat any solid food now. Which has in turn put her in the hospital for almost 5 days filling her body back up with protein, potassium, & calcium, which she has starved her body of. She kept telling us she was eating. But we aren't there with her all day. I want so badly to take a way the pain of cancer and the pain of all the belly issues involved but I can't. I can only watch as she deals with it the only way she thanks she can.... Mr. Farmer and I had a fight last night and I know it was mostly because he is so concerned about his mother. This his fuse is short. They have such a close relationship and this whole thing is killing him. He wants her to see his future children and to look forward to the future with him and our family. My heart is bleeding because of the unkind words we said to each other. Even though I know it's because we are maxed out. We have hit the boiling point and it's effecting our home life!!

CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm praying that this last time in the hospital will have scared her into changing her ways. She has until Tuesday to keep her levels up at the same if not better then what they were this morning. Please Pray that she does! They won't do anymore chemo until she gets her body into a little bit better shape. Her little body is so frail. He skin hangs like a hobo's rags. She was always a very curvy lady. She was beautiful and vivacious. Loud and unafraid. Now I feel that cancer has seeped into her very soul and robbed it of our dear Mama Farmer. That Evil Bitch: Cancer has used her nasty black tentacles and wrapped them around our hearts and is squeezing... I don't know when she will let us go... Or if she ever will.

Can I go back to 2008? Please...

Day 25 & Day 26

Sorry I'm not being very good at this but Mama Farmer has gone back into the hospital so please keep her in your prayers. This last round of chemo has really whooped her but. She's in a lot of pain and they are thinking right now that she may have an infection from the fluid build up coming from her liver. I know she wants to avoid the hospital as much as possible but right now it's the best place for her to be. They are also thinking of maybe taking her gallbladder out because she is having a lot of trouble with EVERYTHING she eats. Maybe this will solve something... I don't want her going through more surgery but hopefully they can do this laparoscopically. But any how please keep the family in your prayers this week it's been kind of bumpy. Hopefully I will have better news tomorrow. Oh and my sister is pregnant again!!!!!!!!!! (this will be her 5th child) Please some one shoot me in the HEAD!!!!!!!! My mom just found out today and just shook her head and said why can't it be you and Mr. farmer? You guys have a home, good jobs, plenty of money! And then she said Mr. Farmer would be such a great daddy!! I just said Thanks Mom!! But I was quite snarky when I said it. This is the 1st time I have ever mentioned our problem to her. She said it really confuses me why G-d allows this? Yep me too Mom!!!

Day 24

Where I live

I will show you all where I live. But I won't tell you where. :) Sorry but that's just how I roll! I'm sure there are some who could figure it out easy enough but I like living in my semi anonymous town of Farmerstown.

I'm sure you all know by know that I live on a farm and my Farm is in the great state of Indiana. The heartland of our beautiful country. My Hubby and I live on the farm that has been in his family for many generations. We grow grain and melons on our farm. We live in an old farm house that has been added on to in about 10 different directions (and it's still not nearly big enough) but we love it. Just about everyone on our old country road is related to my husband. Usually a cousin, uncle, parents or shirt tail cousin (2nd cousins or farther back.) It can get a little confusing because the family name is the same on just about every mail box on this road... I laugh when I have to give directions to someone new because I just say count the mailboxes with Farmer on it and when you come to the 7th Farmer mailbox you've found us!! :) Living in a community like this has it's ups and downs. I love the fact that if I'm out in the yard working I might have to stop 2 or 3 times to chat with the neighbors when they drive by. But then again if I'm working in my yard and I want to get done before dark it's hard to stop, because I have such friendly neighbors. It's a catch 22! You can't run away when they pull in the driveway... Boy would everybody talk about me then!!! We live off the beaten path. I love that I don't have to lock my doors. I love that I know every person driving down this road. And if their teenage son is driving too fast somebody is going to hear about it... Yes it's one of those neighborhoods!! Back when Mama Farmer was in the hospital for all those weeks it seemed like there was always something hot sitting on our stove when we came home from sitting up at the hospital with her. We didn't always know who brought it over. But it was nice to know somebody cared. I wouldn't trade this place for a million dollars! I'm sure people may think where I live is a lot like Mulberry (Andy Griffith's Home town) and the people may seem naive or not near as up to date as the bigger cities but I would rather wave a hundred times a day as I'm heading to town, then be ignored or snubbed in a big city. I lived for a short time in one of the bigger cities near our home and it was such a lonesome feeling. I would pump my gas and the clerk never said a word when you paid them. I would drive the same route every day to work and not see the same face twice. But here the clerks at our (one and only) gas station know who I am and ask about my family. I wouldn't trade that alone for anything. This is my home and where my heart resides. It's not fancy but it's ours. This little house has been in the family for years. I hope one day to pass it along to the next newly married couple.

Thanks for visting our little home

Day 23

A YouTube video



I am going to skip today's 30 Day Blog Journal question because: reason number 1 I'm not a YouTube hound. I can only think of about 3 clips I have ever seen on YouTube. They were each fertility related. And reason number 2 guess who has come to visit the Farmer household? I bet you can't guess!!!!!!!!!!!...

Are you guessing?



Think Really Hard...



Doo Dooo Doooooo DOOOO DOOoOo DO!!! Da Do DOOOOOO DOOOOOoooo DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Do!!! Da DO DOOOOOOOOOOO Dooo DOoo!!! Da Do







That was my impersonation of Jeopardy... I know it sounded just like it too!







Anyway the number 2 reason why I'm not posting about YouTube today is: As some of you may know I have been working out. But not just working out. I have been going to Zumba. Which kicks your butt! But is freaking fantastic!! Anyway I think all this working out has actually paid off by exercising some of my demons out of me! And just what demons do I need exercised you might be asking? Well numero uno demon being my being the lack of AF!!! Well as of today I don't have a lack of her anymore!! I naturally had a period!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



:::::::::::::PAUSE for HAPPY DANCE!!!!!!!:::::::::::::::



Can you freaking believe it? I can't!! I'm really just in a state of awe right now! Even though I feel like an elephant that needs to go on Jenn.y Craig. And I've been packing around an invisible devil child on my back, who's been beating my head in with a Tonka Truck daily now for a week. Oh and lets not forget my zits! Holy Cow the Zits!! They are now the size of Texas. But really I am freaking fantastic!! I feel like I've actually accomplished something!!! I haven't really lost pounds because PCOS being the bitch that she is won't let go of the weight. But I am still losing inches!!! Which is awesome and I'm gaining muscle. So I'm not going to complain at all!! I actually was starting to worry this past week cause I felt so shitty. I almost bailed on my Zumba classes mon & thurs night cause I felt so terrible. But I thought I would just go and try and muscle though them. And just leave early if I couldn't make it. But I made it through and then this morning I got a lovely gift. Something I have worked so hard for!

Day 22

A website

I actually wrote about this website y-day in my blog post. It is run by The Pioneer Woman. And as most of you know she is MY HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh how I love that gal!! I must admit I do love her more than my luggage... One of her famous quotes!!


The site I want you all to visit is is her cooking site: The Pioneer Woman's Tasty Kitchen I think I stop in here at least once a week for a new idea for dinner. I get so tired of the same old, same old every week. I need a little spice in my life!! And PW gives that to you in mason jar fulls! Stop in and find something for dinner tonight! You won't be disappointed!!!

Love ya!!!!