Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Weird Morning

We had a strange little thing happen to us in the last 24 hours. Well as I’m sure most of you know we live out in the country, in a rural area where a lot of large families have lived for generations. So with that being said we have no less than 8 families on our road alone that have the same last name as farmer and I. So it tends to be a bit confusing when it comes to mail, UPS and Fed-ex and just plain giving directions.

So last night after work I ran to the grocery store and so I got home later than normal. I put all the food away and headed out the side door to the barn to see what Farmer boy wanted for supper. When I opened the door a business card fluttered to the floor. It was the business card of a family case manager, For the Indiana Dept. of Child Services!!! WTF? We were a little worried. The gentleman who left the card wrote on the front: Please call me!! ASAP!!! Well of course we called. But the office was closed so we sat around all evening debating what we were wanted for. I teased Farmer boy about his wild youth catching up to him in the form of a bunch of little ones. He kept trying to say if that’s true those women would have had their hands out long ago!! But I think he was still worried about it. My husband wasn’t the quiet, homebody farmer in his younger days as he is now. He has sown his fair share of wild oats. I wasn’t too worried about it as the night went on, cause I figured if it was important they wouldn’t have left a card in the door.
Fast forward to this morning I called the number a little after 8:00am and got the gentleman who left his card in our door. He asked if I knew a young woman by the name of D_____ ( same last name as Farmer and I). I said no but I have only been married to my hubs for a couple years and I don’t really know his extended family very well . And then he asked is S, living with you? I said no we have no children. He said so D’s daughter S is not living with you? And I said no! Then he went in to the rig a ma roll of how he saw Farmer boy’s name on the mail box and it matched the last name of the little girl he is looking for!!! I said is she is missing? Then he said S and our last name all together and I remembered who the little girl was but I had only met her once. She is a cousin of a cousin living in a bad situation with a mother who doesn’t love her and I almost think she resents the little girl. S is 12 years old and her mother isn’t with S’s father so I guess that’s part of the whole resentment. But getting back to the story… I said I think I know who you are talking about. I asked: is she in danger? And he said he doesn’t know he has been trying to track her mother and S down and can’t seem to find them. The address D gave him led them to a corn field on our property by way of GPS… And so he thought maybe S was living with us since we share the same last name. I said no I had only met the little girl once. She was with her grandparents. She seemed happy with them I told him. He then asked me who they were and I told him there names. And then I gave him the directions to the house the little girl and her mother supposedly lived in. Which also on our road just a couple miles north of us. After I told him what the house looked like he said he thinks he remembered seeing it. So I told him I would call him back when I left for work to give him the house address (for his GPS). When I headed out for work I drove down to the little house and the numbers and name had been freshly removed. I could still see the sticky stuff on the mailbox. So I called him back and told him the numbers weren’t on the box anymore. And then I told him the color of the house and shutters. Then he thanked me for my help and I hung up.

When I got off the phone I felt so sorry for S. but I’m happy that maybe she is going to get some attention on this matter. I have heard through the grapevine that her situation is terrible. But when her grandparents can wrangler her away she loves being with them. So maybe this will actually work out in her favor. I feel so conflicted with my wanting a child so bad and pretty much wanting to do anything possible to have a child. Then finding out that a deadbeat mother is neglecting her child right down the road from me it makes me just want to vomit. I hope that everything works out for Little S. she deserves a mama that will adore her. And I hope that maybe the state will see that her Grandmother might be the best one for the job.

I just wish all this wouldn’t have happened 2 days before my appt. I’m getting nervous about it now. The nurse called about an hour ago to remind me about my appt and to bring all my goodies that they mailed to me. Oh and I’m still not coming up with any questions to ask. I can only think of things that I think he should know about me… Like oh I’m coming up on 200 days without a period!! Or my temps are always way below 98.0 degrees but I don’t have a thyroid problem. Umm still thinking of something… I was told that at the begging of this appt we will have a meeting with their financial person and they will explain all the options and payment plans etc. I’m pretty sure that is where my questions will come up. But other than that I can’t think of anything else. So other than that I’m just waiting!!!
Oh and welcome all you fellow ICLWers!! I’m sorry this was such a long post but I had to tell someone about it. I just feel like this day has kind of been a little on the weird side.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Locks of Love

I have been thinking about how I need a new hair style for a looong time now. I have had long curly hair for the majority of my life and it suited me fine. But here recently I just felt like I was in a hair rut. I needed to do something. But I didn't know what I needed to do about it. I kept telling my stylist one of these days were going to cut it all off!! And she would laugh and say sure Mrs. Farmer. My stylist is my 1st cousin and I'm fairly close to her. So she knew I was always going to stay with my long locks just like all the women on our side of the family have. She is almost 40 and has the most amazing dark brown hair that is almost to her waist. She will usually wear in a braid and its like movie style princess hair. And then a couple weeks ago I got to thinking my hair is getting too heavy and its long and I can't do anything with it. I need to do something. But I just kept holding off. Then I was reading the blogs on my blogroll and saw this:please read


After reading it I felt so amazed at this little girl who gave so much. And I have been on this earth 20+ years more then she and I never have been this selfless. So I was going to do something I should have done many times over in the last several years of my life but never did.

I was going to give my hair to someone who could use it. Instead of letting it go into the wastebasket. I talked it over with Hubbs about a week ago. Then called the salon were my beautiful cousin works and she wasn't working. I then called everyday for about 4 days. And then one of her co workers finally said she won't be here till Friday. I was beginning to worry that maybe since she hadn't been working this week that maybe its a sign. But I wouldn't let myself think that way! I was going to cut my hair by George!!! I walked in Friday night and told her what I wanted and she about flipped out!! She didn't want to cut it. She was actually starting to make me get scared that I would look bad with short hair. She just kept saying I don't think you want to do this. This is going to be a lot of hair!! Its going to be shorter then anything you have had in ages. And I said yes its time to do it. She was so apprehensive but she was just looking out for me. She truly was worried about me. But I said just do it!! I don't care how short its going to be. Just do it!!! I had decided not to tell a soul until it was done. Farmer knew but I didn't want anyone else knowing cause I was worried I would chicken out at the last minute. But I didn't and its done now and its SOOOO short!!! But I really love it. I feel so different. I can't believe its me when I look in the mirror!!!

I think I needed this for Thursday. I feel like I'm starting anew. Who knows what I'll do next?!!





Yes I know there is a shadow but I don't have photoshop and I don't have the patience to sit in front of the camera all morning.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

7 DAYS

I can't believe it. In less then 168 hours I will be sitting in Dr. B's office and pouring out my heart & soul and expecting some miracles to take place. (Oh and I will probably be a blubbering, sobbing idiot too!!!) I'm not as nervous as I thought I would be at a week out. I thought I would be going insane with worry at this point. Really the only thing that is bothering me is that I haven't really thought of any questions to ask. Is that not ridiculous? I have no periods that is the most obvious question but beyond that I'm not thinking of anything else. I'm sure the night before I will be going crazy from 12:00 am till around 5:00 am with questions passing all through my head all night long. On top of the weird ones like should I change the color of polish on my toes? What if the dark red looks too wild. Not mommy meterial. Maybe I should change it to a motherly pink? Or no maybe I should show my quriky side and paint them that electric blue I have never used... Yes this is what my mind does to me in the middle of the night when I have something very important the next day. I can't shut it down!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Countdown!!!!

Oh lordy I haven't been very good this past week!! Please forgive me. I have been reading in my spare time!!! And my reading hasn't always had to do with my faulty lady part either! As you may have heard I'm in a book club now and we have officially started reading our 1st book this past week. So far its been pretty good. No complaints. We chose: The Next Thing on My List By Jill Smolinski. I highly suggest it thus far. I have gotten about half way though it. I'm picking next months book and I'm a little apprehensive because I don't want to upset anyone or to pick the wrong thing. So if anyone has a good suggestion for our October book please send then my way. I have a small list put together. I will post it below and if you have read them please comment on them.

The Year of Fog
The Seamstress
My Sister's Keeper
The Murder of a Medici Princess
Nineteen Minutes
The Memory Keepers Daughter
The Secret Life of Bees
Her Fearful Symmetry


I was kind of thinking of maybe a good romance, mystery, intrigue, suspense, but not too scary. I will have to do the theme for our meeting and since its October I thought it would be fun for it to be a little (very little) scary. On account of Halloween being such a fun holiday and I have found some great finger foods for our October mtg too. So please HELP!!!!!!!

Oh and on the Fert front. Still no AF and I'm okay with it. I'm not anxious about it like I was. I'm 9 days and counting away from the big RE appt. And I know that everything will change once I have gotten through that appt. So now I just have to coast though the next 9 days and not think too much about my wonky ovaries and spiteful uterus. So everyone give me your opinions on my book lists and stick with me as I count down to the first MALE gyno appt!!!! Yippee!!!

Love & Hugs to all my fellow bloggies

Thursday, September 3, 2009

My new baby

Well I know you all know its not possible for me to have actually had a baby. But I do have a new pet project that is becoming my baby. I'm working on it with some friends here in my home town. And I'm pretty excited about it. Actually I'm very excited about it. It has all come together so quickly and so smoothly. It feels like it was meant to be. I'm from a pretty small town and I still work in that small town. Although I live with my hubby, Mr. Farmer. In another county which is adjacent to my home county. So I feel like I'm still connected and I want to participate in this town more. So a couple of us girls were chatting on Facebook about how are town didn't have a book club. Yes I know its sad that we don't have a book club. But it is Midwest hometown USA so we aren't as up to the minute as the bigger cities. So we got our act together and 3 of us had a planning meeting and threw some ideas around and now we have it set. A real live book club!!! How awesome is that? I have a lot of dreams for this little pet project. I really think our town needs something like this. I know the women I'm acquainted with would love this. It's just something I wanted you all to share in. My friend Emily has been the driving force behind it all and she is good at it too. She has come up with the sweetest name. It's The Crimson Quill Society!! I love it!! She has done so much to get us set up. I'm stoked!! She even found a local author who wrote some short stories. So that is what we have to read before our 1st official book club meeting on Tuesday night. So I'm sure I will be keeping you all posted. Which that night also happens to be my next appt with Beth (the worlds greatest acupuncturist!!!) and so I'm going to be running around like a chicken with my head cut off that day and evening but I don't care. I really think I needed something to divert me from all this Infertility nonsense. Yes I called it nonsense because right now that's exactly how I feel about all this!!! Oh and I got my new patient packet from the RE. It had a TON of info in it. Question: Do all of your RE's have a "Patient Portal" ie Website for contact between the doctor & patient? This doctor has a web page for the patients to keep up with all the info and appointments, diagnoses etc. It even has an FAQ page! I had about 10 to 15 different pages to fill out on the website that was all my pertinent information. There is a place that the Doctor or nurse will send you messages and information. I'm really blown away by all this. Is this normal? I don't know if its just cause I'm a back woods country girl, that has never had this level of interaction with a doctor. But this is freaking fantastic!!!! Am I getting my hopes up to much for thinking this is going to be a world class doctors office?

 

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