Fertility Friend, is not my friend!!

Well just so you all know my temps are dropping again. It was 96.8 this am. So there went my last ditch effort for this cycle to be "the one." Surprisingly I'm okay with it. I have learned not to get too hopeful through this whole sucky process. But it does sting a little. But I'm excited that I get to use the drugs in my fridge. Which were so lovingly donated by another infertile women. Who actually got pregnant on a break!! I am happy that I have learned so much about my body through this whole dang adventure. So here we go on to the countdown to CD35!!! Unless by some strange reason I get Auntie Flow on my own before then... Which I highly doubt will happen naturally now. So today is actually CD26 so we are sooo close to starting inject ables!!!! Oh and have I said lately that IF is a BITCH?!!!

Have a freaking fantabulous day!!!

Danielle Steel

Dear, Ms. Steel
I would like to tell you how much I have enjoyed your books over the last several years. Your books have become a secret little pleasure of mine that I don't get to indulge that often. Although this last time I visited the book store I saw a new title I hadn't read yet. So I tossed your book into my bag and waited patiently to get time to fit this new book into my schedule. I have always used your books as somewhat of an escape from my reality. I fell in love with the heroine as I always tend to do with your well written characters. She seemed like such a wonderful individual. Someone I would like to know in real life. But then out of nowhere you slammed me up against a wall. The wall that is my reality. You knocked the breath right out of this infertile crazy women. Your beloved character gets raped and instantly gets pregnant with the bastard's child!! Where in the synopsis did it tell us that this would happen? You do realize how this would be quite gut wrenching to read for someone who can't seem to get pregnant in the most perfect of circumstances. Yet a young women who is practically starving, working 18+ hours of hard labor in the middle of a world war, she never sleeps, and is obviously in a high stress situation can suddenly get pregnant when she has been raped! I know it would have probably not been good to give away too much information on the jacket. But it would have been nice to have had a heads up on this book. Just a sticker on the front cover would have been nice. Warning: Dangerous waters ahead if you are in infertile!!! Please Please Please could you just write deliriously happy books or books about sex and romance and not bring up children, pregnancy or babies at all!!!I will still try to muddle through this book no matter how hard it is to believe just because I can't leave a book unread. Oh and Thank you for reminding me I'm an infertile as i don't seem to get reminded enough through out my day.
I remain a faithful fan, although quite perturbed by this experience.
Mrs. Farmer

Side note: I do not want to offend anyone. I do know that women have gotten pregnant by rape and its a terrible travesty. But it was just a shock to read this. And I am in no way making fun of rape or rape victims.

Private confession From an Infertile Mad Woman...

I don't want to jump the gun but I am an infertile, crazy women who gets freaked out by the littlest things!!! So I thought I would let you all in on the crazy little hope that I'm hoping for today. I won't find out until tomorrow. But today I can live in this moment. I have been faithfully using fertility friend for a long freaking time now. And this cycle is looking pretty good. Actually it looks freaking fantabulous!!! So tomorrow morning if my temp goes up I will know whether or not my body does what every other women seems to be able to do with out even batting an eye. OVULATE!!! I cheated just a tad and typed in tomorrows temp of 97.2 just to see if I could get some cross hairs and I did. It was the most beautiful thing in the world!! Besides maybe an ultrasound... But I'm getting way ahead of myself. I want cross hairs so freaking bad its not even funny. I want to see my self have a "normal" cycle. Just once!!! I'm to the point that I don't even care if I get pregnant this cycle which it would be freaking awesome if I did. But I know that I will have my self all juiced up this coming cycle that I don't see how I couldn't get knocked up. I just want to know that my body does know what to do. And can do it on occasion. Just when she feels like it... So please pray with me that my temp goes up and I can actually confirm an ovulation. That's all I really want this cycle. I know getting pregnant would be the greatest thing in the whole freaking world!! But I'm not going to go wishing for the moon. But please Lord just let me see some cross hairs that stay put!! And don't vanish or go dashed the next few days. I really want to have just 1 real cycle!!! Oh just so you know I do realize that I would have already ovulated by now but I just want to see it on a computer screen! Just so I can shout at the top of my lungs that: YES!!! I CAN OVULATE!!!!

Welcom ICLWers!!!!

I just wanted to say Hello to all the new people stopping by. I will give you a tad bit of background.

I'm married to a farmer we live in the heartland of America. We have been married almost 3 years. We are trying although so far unsuccessfully to add to our family. So far we have only ended up with 3 furkids. 2 dogs and 1 cat. I have PCOS and haven't had a period on my own in AGES!!! So at the end of this cycle. If I can start on my own (please cross your fingers and pray to God!!!) we will be starting our 1st medicated cycle. If I don't start on my own I will wait till CD35 and test to make sure I didn't have a miracle happen. And then I will get the dreaded progesterone and to have Aunt Flow stop in for a visit. After that I will start on Gonal F and Ovidrel for Trigger. So far I'm only on CD21 so in a few weeks I will be so full of hormones no one will want to be around me!!! That's all I've got.

I blog about farming and my family and stupid little things I love to take pictures but I'm no photographer. One of these days I hope to take a couple classes just for fun. I love to read also. I have just joined a book club that's just begun in my home town. And our 2nd book has just been phenomenal. (I picked this one!!!) It's spooky and dark and has a ton of secrets and mystery to it. I highly recommend this book to everyone. I had to start reading something other then infertility/fertility material. Or I was going to go crazy if I didn't. So this has helped get me out of this whole infertility bubble.
The book I just finished and have been referring to is: The Thirteenth Tale By: Diane Setterfield.

Go get it!! Oh and it's a perfect read for October!!!

Thanks for stopping by!!!

Pictures from last weekend

Yes I'm bored to tears here at work today!! Its raining and nasty cold outside so I thought I would finally post the pictures from last weekend.

My Hubby was working and I was "HELPING" of course I'm sure he would use this term loosely. But I will have to say I try to help :) I mostly take lots of pictures and make him and and his papa laugh. Oh and I'm very good at asking dumb questions too. So here goes I'm posting some yummy sunny working down at the old barn pictures. I have never in my life posted this many pics in a post but bear with me. They are all connected.




These little yellow bead looking things are called soy beans. They are being swept up from the bottom of a grain bin. And yes that is all dust and it is from the soy beans!!



This is what they call an auger it carries the grain to and from different sources. In this case it was out of the grain bin into a waiting truck.



This is one of my favorite warning labels of all time!!! Look closely!! This is a very dangerous piece of equipment but it still makes me laugh when I see the little cartoon label. I guess I'm just morbid that way...



My hubby is inside of the grain bin running the sweeper!! Yes that is a sweeper!! It is terribly dusty inside of these bins. I don't know if you can tell or not but he does have a mask on.




My papa in law making sure the truck isn't getting too full. Which was supposed to be my job but he kept sneaking in behind my back and climbing the ladder. Hubbs didn't want his dad falling off the ladder. But I guess its okay for me to!!! :)




This is that scary dusty grain bin my hubby was in.



Now we are unloading a truck from the field that had just gotten cut. So its going into the grain bin.


Soy Beans!!! MMMmmmm Lots and Lots of Soy Beans!!!!



This is the reason I can't get pregnant!! My ovaries seize up and then run and hide under my rib cage when I see things like this!!!!



They are still seizing!!!



O Lord please help my poor ovaries!!! I can't stand to look but I have to!!!



O Dear Lord in Heaven!!! I think my ovaries are having a panic attack now!!!!



I can't take it anymore I'm going to go home and eat chocolate. This is too stressful!!!